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Monday, May 11, 2009

This Week in Promotional Burger King Star Trek Glasses: Old Spock vs. Young Spock

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, May 11, 2009 at 4:46 PM

Today I went to Burger King AGAIN to continue my quest to obtain all four Star Trek promotional glasses. AND I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. Why? Because A) my duodenum has not forgiven me for eating an entire six-pack of BK Bukkake Shots last week, and B) I am very unhappy about this week's Spock glass. In fact, I was already so angry, I ordered this:

4b26/1242083525-1551416240ac6d3f3c6cvd8.jpg

I figured that eating an "Angry Whopper" would either counteract my anger (kind of like throwing gasoline to put out an electrical fire) or enrage me to the point where I could turn green and leap to the top of Mt. Hood where I would sob silently in my loneliness.
But really... what the fuck is up with the "Angry Whopper"? When I ordered it, I had NO IDEA what I was getting, but as the kraut billboard says, it's a Whopper mit "jalapenos" und "angry onions"—which are in actuality broken onion rings someone left in the fryer too long. (Which I suppose would make me angry, too.) OH, and it also comes with bacon (ANGRY BACON!!), and an odd orange sauce that didn't seem so angry as confused.

Unfortunately, it was delicious. BUT I WAS STILL FURIOUS ABOUT THE SPOCK GLASS, which you can read more about after the jump, if you are so inclined. Frankly, I'm too angry to care.

c396/1242084008-1241469148-spockglass.jpg

Anyway, here's the Spock glass. And as mentioned last week, I do NOT approve of Old Spock on the same glass as new, sexy Spock. Jesus Christ, he looks like a burn victim! In fact, I can't even bear to drink out of that side of the glass, because I'm afraid a) I'll get "old cooties" and b) some of his old gross burnt skin will drop into my mouth.

Why would someone do something like that? Look at him! He obviously hates being on a super cool glass (because he's old and hates anything awesome and newfangled), and as far as I'm concerned he didn't belong in the movie either! The whole "aging mentor" character thing in sci-fi movies has been done to death, and the only difference between old Spock and Yoda is that Yoda's got better skin. In fact, if you're not going to put a picture of Spock ramming his tongue down Uhura's throat on the glass, then just paste on a picture of Yoda! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT, because anything is better than OLD FUCKING SPOCK!!

ARRRGGHHH!!! ANGRY WHOPPER… GETTING… ANGRIER!!! ARMY SURROUNDING OFFICE! MUST JUMP TO TOP OF MOUNT HOOD!!! ARRRRGHHHHH!!!

(Sniff. Hump sad. No one like Hump. Sob.)

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