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Friday, June 5, 2009

Cats Of Tigers, Biscuits, and Things which Spin

Posted by Will "the Intern" Radik on Fri, Jun 5, 2009 at 1:49 PM

Hi, I'm Will Radik, and I'll be your new intern for today! Working at the Merc is great, yo. Fo' realz, shizzle. There's a Batman mug and a dry-erase board. I ain't gotta pay no taxes on this shit, cause I ain't gettin' paid, son! It's better than getting dry-humped on a Gravitron!


6a27/1244193149-gravitron.jpg

Holy smokes! It's a Creative Commons licensed photo of a Gravitron, by David Burton.


I'd tell you a little about myself, but, if you don't already know who I am, you're probably sooooo out of the loop that you're just not worth my time. I mean, Melissa Lion blogged about me, for heaven's sake! I should be getting so many free steaks and blowjobs that I simply can't walk anywhere, because I'm just tripping over piles of meat, into puddles of bodily fluid.

Anyway, today is cat Friday, right? Or it's biscuit Friday? I forget. Who cares? It's not like anyone ever criticizes new interns on here. Have both, and a hot mom who raps, while she magically transforms coins into food:


Pakistani commercial featuring magical, exotic MILF.


Now, I know what you're thinking. "Will, you asshole, those aren't cute, buttered biscuits. They're cookies!" But guess what? The people who invented our language call them biscuits. Just ask Matt Davis. He's so English, he was probably there when they dreamed up the word, "the". I'll bet he's even played that funny game there with-

Wait a minute. Did she say, "orgy?"

 

Comments (16) RSS

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1
You have to play bingo if you want free steaks. That's where they're at.

So, intern Will, I take back that stuff I said in Questionland about your ideas maybe being balls. You probably have some decent ideas. And I commend you for probably having them.

And I just have one request/suggestion/idea (and, with it, I'm not implying that you were about to perpetrated this): Avoid the phrase, "Love me some..."
There's enough of that shit phrase in the Mercury.
Posted by ROM on June 5, 2009 at 2:28 PM · Report
2
Will Radik!! What are you doing up there with one of those bylines? Why are you using "shizzle?" What the hell is this post about?? And WHY would a commenter want to subject himself to other commenters? You know what happens to interns here....
Posted by Joneser on June 5, 2009 at 2:31 PM · Report
3
My god, this is a post of extraordinary magnitude! This intern puts all other interns to shame. TO SHAME. Plus, hamburgers for breakfast, fuck.

But seriously nothing could ever be better than dry humping in a gravitron.
Posted by jarvitron on June 5, 2009 at 2:34 PM · Report
4
@jarvitron I don't know if I put all other interns to shame. That Molly chick is pretty cool.
Posted by Will Radik on June 5, 2009 at 2:37 PM · Report
5
Screw her I don't even know her nor have I ranted at her about babies or my penis so what has she done for me lately?
Posted by jarvitron on June 5, 2009 at 2:38 PM · Report
6
@ROM did you say my ideas were balls? I thought you said my ideas HAVE balls. I was all set to agree mightily with you.
Posted by Will Radik on June 5, 2009 at 2:39 PM · Report
7
FUCK THIS SHIT! WHERE TEH FUCKING HELL ARE MY POSTING PRIVELEGES!???!!!?!

I DESERVE THIS MORE THAN HIM! I DON'T CARE THAT HE'S AN INTERN. MY WHITE MALE PRIVELEGE IS BEING INSULTED BY THIS BULLSHIT.
Posted by Graham on June 5, 2009 at 2:39 PM · Report
8
You got the internship! I guess the hangover didn't kill your chances, eh?
Posted by PDXwahine on June 5, 2009 at 2:41 PM · Report
9
Yay Will! So no can you also blog for me because I'm too busy getting things ready for my move back to the motherland that I can't be BOTHERED to rub two words together.

Or whatever.

See? And now it's all about me.
Posted by kiala on June 5, 2009 at 3:49 PM · Report
10
Will: I think I should have used caps to emphasize my point. Revised sentence: "and sometimes I suspect that your ideas, Will, are BALLS."

Double revised: "I take it back because I'm scared of your new POWERS!"

Posted by ROM on June 5, 2009 at 3:51 PM · Report
11
Thank you for linking to me. I try to get my name in the Merc's various media endeavors as often as possible without actually writing for them. Also, will you ask Alison when they're going to start accepting freelance pitches again...because I have a few.
Posted by melissalion on June 5, 2009 at 3:52 PM · Report
12
@joneser I used the word shizzle because I thought it would blow your mind, man. Did it work?
Posted by Will Radik on June 5, 2009 at 9:51 PM · Report
13
God, it was bad enough when you were just another hipster-wannabe blog commentator (from California, no less.) Now they're actually PUBLISHING your self-congratulatory, self-referential, lookitmelookitmelookitme highschoolnewspaper crap?
Posted by thermostatical on June 5, 2009 at 10:35 PM · Report
14
@thermostatical Sure looks like they are. : D Thanks for taking the time to read it!
Posted by Will Radik on June 6, 2009 at 12:17 AM · Report
15
Graham now hangs out with Merc. crew for trivia, Will Radik as the new intern? Will (Not)ACat be replacing Steve as dictator/editor!? Is the apocalypse finally happening!?!
Posted by rank_amateur on June 6, 2009 at 1:08 PM · Report
16
There's no replacing Steven. Who would post crazy Fabio videos and wade through all those terrible television programs?
Posted by Will Radik on June 7, 2009 at 2:31 AM · Report

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