Hi, I'm Will Radik, and I'll be your new intern for today! Working at the Merc is great, yo. Fo' realz, shizzle. There's a Batman mug and a dry-erase board. I ain't gotta pay no taxes on this shit, cause I ain't gettin' paid, son! It's better than getting dry-humped on a Gravitron!

I'd tell you a little about myself, but, if you don't already know who I am, you're probably sooooo out of the loop that you're just not worth my time. I mean, Melissa Lion blogged about me, for heaven's sake! I should be getting so many free steaks and blowjobs that I simply can't walk anywhere, because I'm just tripping over piles of meat, into puddles of bodily fluid.
Anyway, today is cat Friday, right? Or it's biscuit Friday? I forget. Who cares? It's not like anyone ever criticizes new interns on here. Have both, and a hot mom who raps, while she magically transforms coins into food:
Wait a minute. Did she say, "orgy?"