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Friday, June 19, 2009

Cats "Swoops Followed Him Around the Corner and Hit Him Again. Lesson Learned. "

Posted by Kiala Kazebee on Fri, Jun 19, 2009 at 2:31 PM

In a little over a month I'll be back in our beloved city of Portland, Oregon and far, far away from the hills and burritos and super duper gayness of San Francisco, California. While I will miss these things very, very much I am extremely happy to be coming home. I imagine Odysseus felt exactly like this after sailing across the treacherous icy waters of the ancient Aegean Lakes into his home port of Odysseusland after killing the fire dragons, crossing the Bridge to Terabithia, destroying the Death Star and finally *triumphantly* forgetting Sarah Marshall. Or what have you.

In honor of my return and because I never effing blogged ONE TIME about San Francisco I give you Swoops the Attack Bird.

75bc/1245446058-angrybird.jpg

All his life, he was only waiting for this moment to arrive

Photo courtesy of Attack Bird Chronicles

Swoops and Swoops' babies live in a shrubbery downtown near the corner of California and Front Streets. Swoops attacks anything which comes near the family shrub with a patented (okay probably not patented but it damn well should be) dive bombing technique. Swoops' reign of terror has been covered by CNN and the HuffPo and, as this particular blogger describes, the little blackbird "is pissed".

Clearly, Portland needs some kind of adorably dangerous downtown animal. Suggestions most welcome in the comments.

 

Comments (16) RSS

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1
I think Portland ought to have a Danger Duck. Or a Mean Mole. Yeah! A group of big mean moles that you have to bonk on their heads when they pop up out of their holes or they get mean and as soon as you bop one on the head, another one pops up from another hole, giggling and snickering at you, making fun...sometimes two heads pop up out of two holes that are far apart and then they cackle with insane glee knowing you can't bop both of them and it just drives you so craz-

Ahem. Sorry, got a little carried away there.
Posted by Ed_R on June 19, 2009 at 2:47 PM · Report
2
I used to be a nightshift security guard at the jail downtown, across from a park. About once a month we'd have somebody pound on the door with a bloody hand because they tried to feed or pet the "cute racoons" in the park. And of course we could never let them in, because "terrorist disguised as a drunken surburbanite" is the oldest trick in the book. So how about Rabey the Raccoon?
Posted by Reymont on June 19, 2009 at 2:49 PM · Report
3
We already have something like that.

His name is Randy Leonard and he'll fucking rip your fucking throat out with his teeth.
Posted by Graham on June 19, 2009 at 2:58 PM · Report
4
I was thinking of something like a mildly retarded otter.

Or maybe an angry, yet kind-hearted, furble.
Posted by kiala on June 19, 2009 at 3:30 PM · Report
5
I have to second the nomination for a racoon. We have some really weird, and not a in a good way, racoons. They may well be zombie racoons. They come out during the day, even though everyone knows racoons are nocturnal. They lumber, they don't scamper. They look like they are decaying, no luster to their coats. When they look at you, you can feel the frost grow down your spine.

I give you Zombie Coon.
Posted by Demondog on June 19, 2009 at 3:35 PM · Report
6
God damn! That bird looks like he wants to fuck me up!
Posted by Kyle! on June 19, 2009 at 3:35 PM · Report
7
Portland's downtown dangerous animal are the "Save the children" and other charity proselytizers on 4th and Morrison/Yamhill. Anyone who works around there knows exactly what I mean, and has for years.
Posted by NIG GER on June 19, 2009 at 4:13 PM · Report
8
Thanks for sharing last week's news. We expect that from the Oregonian, but not from the Merc. Or maybe that's just how it is in San Francisco. Please try to keep up.
Posted by kiala bores me on June 19, 2009 at 5:03 PM · Report
9
But I linked to the posts from last week's news. I BROKE THE NEWS THAT THIS WAS LAST WEEK'S NEWS.

I'm like Woodward AND Bernstein. Both. Only more important.
Posted by kiala on June 19, 2009 at 6:17 PM · Report
10
What's Jim Francesconi doing these days?

Only kidding. He spoke at my commencement last weekend.
Posted by Oregometry on June 19, 2009 at 8:40 PM · Report
11
And I mean, he wasn't the commencement speaker (Dave Frohnmayer was...and he was excellent), but he did speak. There.

Doug Bates was pretty cool at the journalism degree ceremony, though. Ask him about Gerbalism.
Posted by Oregometry on June 19, 2009 at 8:44 PM · Report
12
Psycho Furby's running on solar power.
Posted by Mizzzzzzz on June 19, 2009 at 9:06 PM · Report
13
I've read that there are falcons that swoop down from the condo towers to eat the fish at Tanner Springs Park. I guess they don't attack people, they are only after sushi.
Posted by Smiley on June 19, 2009 at 11:10 PM · Report
14
I wish swoops had been there when I lived a few blocks away. I would have loved to watch that bird trying to drive suits away all day. Then I would have gone down to Escape to NY on Montgomery and Bush for a goddamn slice of that potato pesto garlic shit.
Posted by Will Radik on June 20, 2009 at 6:52 AM · Report
15
What about all the mini-dogs in the Pearl? I'm sure one of those deranged beasts is liable to get off leash, go feral, and terrorize roller bladers along waterfront any day now.
Posted by blazerlove on June 20, 2009 at 3:45 PM · Report
16
Ooohhh...@blazerlove we could call it Fangs. Fangs the attack teacup whatever!
Posted by kiala on June 20, 2009 at 5:42 PM · Report

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