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Friday, July 3, 2009

News Good Morning News!

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Fri, Jul 3, 2009 at 10:30 AM

What? No Inhumane Federal Raids? WTF Obama, stop betraying America. Get yer rear in gear and continue rounding up illegal immigrants the way God intended - with gut-wrenching, SWAT-style raids, none of this pansy fining employers bullshit.

Health Care! Now With a Public Option! Obama and the Dems unveil their new socialist healthcare agenda. Things get wiiiiillld.

Neo-Nazis Recruit Teabaggers! The 4th of July just got a wee bit more exciting.

40 Statues of Children, 1 Former Ferris Wheel. Memorial tours of an eerily vacant Neverland Ranch begin.

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I'm melting... melting! That's your iPhone talking.

Lance Armstrong - Again! America's only superhero is back in the "Tour de Farce" (ha! way to lay the smackdown, Christian Science Monitor.) Have you seen his ridiculous bike?
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I wish I was hot like him.

Puking Pug Police Cover-up! This actually happened yesterday but I can't believe we haven't already linked to it.

New Chasse Revelations: Are very sad.

Firing Bonus: Remember the public official who spent $240,000 on a public-paid credit card? The Metropolitan Exposition and Recreation Commission finally paid him $168,000 to resign and not sue.

Also in very important news! The Merc office is closed today in honor of our nation and our fine tradition of exploding devices. Except the blog to be a little slow - while you're waiting, get outside and blow something up!

 

Comments (7) RSS

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1
I would like to take this occasion to wish everybody a happy, safe and sane (?) 4th.
Posted by ujfoyt on July 3, 2009 at 11:24 AM · Report
2
Mirk, you ignorant slut: please just never talk about bikes again. Lance's rig is pretty fucking tasteful for an ultra-sponsored racing bike, and (as usual) you're just typing inane shit to see your name in the byline.
Posted by A CAT, probably on July 3, 2009 at 11:37 AM · Report
3
wow, that was an inappropriate comment.
Posted by miguelaron on July 3, 2009 at 1:02 PM · Report
4
And remember, above all, that it is my birthday!
Posted by Jim Lee on July 3, 2009 at 1:23 PM · Report
5
Migueraron, you ignorant slut: I've been watching way to much old SNL lately; sorry if I've offended you. That phrase long ago worked it's way into the general comedic landscape of the internet, and I've never (before today) met anyone that found it to be a literal personal affront.
Posted by A CAT, probably on July 3, 2009 at 1:37 PM · Report
6
My grandfather doesn't even make that joke anymore.
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on July 3, 2009 at 5:31 PM · Report
7
Your grandfather has no sense of humor. Point/counterpoint is a classic.
Posted by A CAT, probably on July 3, 2009 at 6:12 PM · Report

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