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Monday, July 20, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 10:14 AM

Happy birthday, "first man to walk on the moon." (IF THAT IS INDEED WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.) (I was imitating Mercury senior conspiracy theory editor Patrick Coleman.)

As Obama pushes hard for health care, the GOP pushes back… in their usual assholian manner.

Last surviving member of the Mumbai gunmen: "I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Okay, I did it."

Here's another one of those stories where I can't even bear to write the headline. Proceed at your own risk.

Unsurprisingly, Seattle's "Gum Wall" makes the list of the "world's most germiest attractions."

Paula Abdul may NOT be returning to American Idol so she can pursue other projects in which she acts batshit crazy.

And finally, the Onion is sold to China (at least that's what poor CNET thinks), and you know what? IT'S BETTER NOW, GUYS! For proof, check out this Onion report featuring Chinese Andy Rooney!


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