Dear Guy in the Ice Cream Truck that Stops at Our Office Every Day:
As you may have noticed I did not come crashing out of our office door today to buy an Orange Dream ice cream bar, or Choco Taco. That is because I was upstairs in our production department trying to work our BLEEPING STUPID EPSILON SCANNER WHICH IS A BLEEPING PIECE OF BLEEPING BLEEP. Our production department is in the rear of the building which means I couldn't hear the harmonious tones of "Turkey in the Straw" coming up the street, and therefore I guess I apparently missed my chance.
NOW I'M NOT MAD AT YOU. But here's something you need to understand: I have kind of a PRESSURE FILLED JOB, mmm-kay? And it's kind of best for EVERYBODY if I receive, on a daily basis, the ice cream treat that keeps me from picking up that BLEEPING PIECE OF BLEEP EPSILON SCANNER AND STICKING MY FOOT UP ITS BLEEP!
So in the interest of our employees' morale and preservation of office equipment, I would really, really, really, REALLY appreciate it if, in the future, you take a moment to ask someone why I'm not there. I could be dead for all you know, and unfortunately, you would probably be the only person around here who would care enough to ask.
So to reiterate, if I'm not waiting for you on the curb with money in hand when you drive up, please ask someone where I am. If they don't know, dial 9-1-1 immediately.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter,
Wm. Steven Humphrey

p.s. Bring me a Choco Taco now.

p.p.s. Here is a video of a shark eating an ice cream.

p.p.p.s I had a video of a cat eating an ice cream, but this one is better.


UPDATE!!! p.p.p.p.s Wanna do something funny? Grab your laptop, run outside and play the following mp3 right next to your co-workers window. They'll come busting out the door, and then be horribly disappointed when there's no ice cream!! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Sniff. I hate everyone.)