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Friday, July 31, 2009

Cats Open Letter to the Ice Cream Truck Driver Guy that Stops at Our Office Every Day

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Jul 31, 2009 at 3:28 PM

Dear Guy in the Ice Cream Truck that Stops at Our Office Every Day:
As you may have noticed I did not come crashing out of our office door today to buy an Orange Dream ice cream bar, or Choco Taco. That is because I was upstairs in our production department trying to work our BLEEPING STUPID EPSILON SCANNER WHICH IS A BLEEPING PIECE OF BLEEPING BLEEP. Our production department is in the rear of the building which means I couldn't hear the harmonious tones of "Turkey in the Straw" coming up the street, and therefore I guess I apparently missed my chance.
NOW I'M NOT MAD AT YOU. But here's something you need to understand: I have kind of a PRESSURE FILLED JOB, mmm-kay? And it's kind of best for EVERYBODY if I receive, on a daily basis, the ice cream treat that keeps me from picking up that BLEEPING PIECE OF BLEEP EPSILON SCANNER AND STICKING MY FOOT UP ITS BLEEP!
So in the interest of our employees' morale and preservation of office equipment, I would really, really, really, REALLY appreciate it if, in the future, you take a moment to ask someone why I'm not there. I could be dead for all you know, and unfortunately, you would probably be the only person around here who would care enough to ask.
So to reiterate, if I'm not waiting for you on the curb with money in hand when you drive up, please ask someone where I am. If they don't know, dial 9-1-1 immediately.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter,
Wm. Steven Humphrey

p.s. Bring me a Choco Taco now.

p.p.s. Here is a video of a shark eating an ice cream.

p.p.p.s I had a video of a cat eating an ice cream, but this one is better.


UPDATE!!! p.p.p.p.s Wanna do something funny? Grab your laptop, run outside and play the following mp3 right next to your co-workers window. They'll come busting out the door, and then be horribly disappointed when there's no ice cream!! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Sniff. I hate everyone.)

 

Comments (9) RSS

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1
HEYYYY. Sharks don't eat ice cream!

You had me going there for a minute.
Posted by kiala on July 31, 2009 at 3:53 PM · Report
2
Have you considered just buying the ice cream in bulk and keeping it in the freezer?

Also, I wish you'd just use the adult language that is so much more fun. And then I can have fun quoting the paper some more.
Posted by Graham on July 31, 2009 at 3:58 PM · Report
3
Those fat f-wording c-words upstairs ate all the g-d-wording bulk f-wording bulk ice cream bars!!
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on July 31, 2009 at 4:03 PM · Report
4
Maybe you did not hear it because it was not "Turkey in the Straw" - it was the theme music to Ragtime, or else "You're a Grand old flag" - I honestly can't tell the difference.

But i did wonder why i did not see you careening out of the office, Steve. Next time I shall be more concerned.
Posted by autumn on July 31, 2009 at 4:05 PM · Report
5
Do they sell choco tacos at the normal store, though? I have never seen them.
Posted by Joneser on July 31, 2009 at 4:09 PM · Report
6
autumn: Steven knows every sound that ice cream truck plays. I watched the ice cream man demonstrate them all for him the other day.
Posted by Will Radik on July 31, 2009 at 4:12 PM · Report
7
@joneser I've been on a quest for a long time to find chocotacos in a store. I've been spectacularly unsucsesful at this.

Time for a questionland question I think.
Posted by Graham on July 31, 2009 at 4:18 PM · Report
8
Well, Wm. Steven,

I admit indulging ones self with a spot of frozen custard is quite refreshing, however, venting your frustration in this tawdry manner in a publication of this, uh, sorry, almost said quality, b'gawd. Ha. Don't want to mislead any readers, don't you know.

Of this, of this, let's say, well, let's say, virtue, ah, yes, that's it, virtue. A frightfully woody term. Ha. Quite right.

Now then, to the task at hand: Not funny.

Murph

Baron Sir J. Murphy Witherington,
Rear Admiral, Royal Navy (ret), OBE, BfD
Commander, North American Division
The International Guild of Satirists, Humourists, Comedians & Pranksters, Ltd.
Posted by Int'l. Assoc. of Satirists on July 31, 2009 at 5:24 PM · Report
9
Obviously, WSH, you have your priorities all screwed up. It's ice cream FIRST, work SECOND.
Posted by ujfoyt on August 1, 2009 at 9:55 AM · Report

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