This Week in the Mercury

State of Emergency


State of Emergency

Stiff Little Fingers and the Seeds of Punk

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I Love Television™

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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Aug 12, 2009 at 9:50 AM

Dem. Senator Arlen Specter apparently didn't receive enough grief from the anti-health care nutbags and has gone back for more.

A woman throws a mug at da Vinci's Mona Lisa—probably after the painting showed her support for Obama's health plan.

Though Dr. Conrad Murray may have given propofol to Michael Jackson. the pharmacy gave it to him! And the drug companies gave it to the pharmacy! And God made the original compounds! So blame HIM! God damn you, God! YOU KILLED MICHAEL JACKSON!

A U.S. soldier is suspected of being the hit man who killed a Mexican drug cartel member (who was also an informant for the U.S. government). So far the movie version of this would be believable enough, until you heard the soldier's name: Pfc. Michael Jackson Apodaca.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gives a verbal beatdown to a sexist questioner, and now has to explain herself? Oh, HELL no!

A Russian ship has mysteriously disappeared… could this be the nefarious work of SWEDISH pirates?

The Willamette Week struggles but is eventually able to find FIVE people who would sign the "Recall Sam" petition… whoops, make that six if they include themselves. Nice work, guys! Only 26,189 to go!

And finally, someone has Harrison Ford's wife and family… and apparently? He wants them back, guys!


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