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Thursday, August 20, 2009

News Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 10:22 AM

Not as hot today, BUT STILL HOT, OKAY?? (Confidential to our commenters: Before writing your comments today please do the following: 1) Check to see if there's air conditioning in the room. 2) Before you hit "publish" please walk out of the room for five minutes. Upon returning, re-read your comment and see if you still feel the same way. 3) Eat an ice cream. 4) If you still feel as angry after doing all these things, please watch the following video before publishing.


Still angry? There's nothing that can be done for you.

Think our election process stinks? In Afghanistan's election the Taliban threatened voters with warnings and rocket attacks!

The man convicted of blowing up Pan Am flight 103 has been released and is heading back to Libya today, because he has terminal prostate cancer. Mmm… what about the 270 passengers who died from "terminal terrorist cancer"?

Today in insulting sexism: World champ runner is so fast, she's been accused of lying about her gender. (Note: Unsurprisingly these accusations come from men who are acting like anything but.)

Sen. Ted Kennedy, fearing a quick demise, is asking the governor to appoint a replacement for him so Democrats won't lose a crucial health care vote. If that was me, I would probably be saying, "OH GOD! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA DIE!!"

The popular (but environmentally dumb) "cash for clunkers" program is expected to get the boot this Friday. SO QUICK! BUY A BUNCH OF CARS!! OH GOD! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA DIE!!

Remember that helicopter/small plane crash over the Hudson? Turns out the air traffic controller at the time was on the phone with a woman, making jokes about barbecuing a cat. America, meet your newest pariah.

Keep cool, you cool cats!

this-is-better-than-lasercats-21189-1250706445-48.jpg

 

Comments (7) RSS

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1
But that lady kinda does look like a dude, man.
Posted by Suburban Porn King on August 20, 2009 at 10:34 AM · Report
2
The best way to solve the runner issue is to have men and women compete against each other. Because identifying somebody by gender traits is really just passive-aggressive sexism.
Posted by Logan 5 on August 20, 2009 at 10:38 AM · Report
3
From now on I'm just going to assume that all the ladies passing me at the track while I run my 10 minute mile are all actually really fast men.
Posted by Patrick A. Coleman on August 20, 2009 at 10:54 AM · Report
4
What if I don't have any ice cream? Am I still allowed to comment? (Including this one?)
Posted by Matthew D on August 20, 2009 at 11:44 AM · Report
5
"Put us down! We want to melt on the cool hardwood floor! Can't you see we're wearing fur coats!"
Posted by LawyerPepper on August 20, 2009 at 12:49 PM · Report
6
I don't think I have ever seen a pet fox before. By the way, I wonder if animals can get ice cream headaches? Maybe I should have asked questionland.
Posted by ujfoyt on August 20, 2009 at 4:47 PM · Report
7
DOGGIES!!!!
Posted by Will Radik on August 20, 2009 at 10:21 PM · Report

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