Outsource Assassin: The CIA hired private company Blackwater to kill Al Qaeda leaders. So... how much does a license to kill cost these days?
Iraq is "finished with war": Uh, except for those terrible bombings and stuff.
Goldman Sachs Cries Anti-Semitism: You don't hate them because they received $10 billion in taxpayer bailout money, Goldman's exec suggests you hate them because he's Jewish.
Splitting Hairs: International athletic organization secretly runs lab tests to determine whether a champion (and vaguely gender-queer) female runner is actually male.
Tamiflub: Now if you have swine flu you're NOT supposed to take the drug to cure it, Tamiflu. Thanks for the backwards tip, British.
Britney Spears Fan Steals Chihuahua With Earrings: The kind of person who tattoos Britney Spears' name on themselves is exactly the kind of scoundrel who would stage a dog heist from a Florida gay bar.
- This Dog: STOLEN!
Worm Party! The O reports the discovery of "flamboyant, deep-sea worms" off our coast.
"Monster Pot Farm" Bust: Sounds like a movie, but it's real.
Shhh.... It's Happy Hour: After 24 years, the OLCC is considering tossing out an ineffective law restricting Happy Hour ads.
