This Week in the Mercury

Globetrotter

Books

Globetrotter

Pam Houston's Contents May Have Shifted Travels the World with Grace


The Blueprint

Film

The Blueprint

So Some Stuff Happens in Safe House I Guess



Monday, August 31, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Aug 31, 2009 at 9:55 AM

The Walt Disney Corp. pays $4 billion to buy the entire Marvel comic company and all its characters. GOOFY WILL SMASH!!

10,000 families are evacuated as wildfires sweep through Southern California.

A baby is born with his heart outside his chest. HEY EMO BANDS! I GOT A TOPIC FOR YOUR NEXT SONG!!!

Singer Chris Brown still claims to love Rihanna, and cannot remember beating her. Then maybe he should ask Rihanna, who I bet remembers it pretty well.

Former president Bush's daughter Jenna will become a regular correspondent on the Today show. She'll be covering the "how my daddy was great at his job" beat.

A Tempe, Arizona preacher delivers a sermon entitled "Why I Hate Barack Obama," saying, "I am not going to pray for his good. I am going to pray that he dies and goes to hell." In related news… Hey, look everybody! Another religious wacko!

And finally, here's a Channel 9 News Update with Rod Wood along with special correspondent, "Fucking Bee that Stung Him."

 

Comments (1) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
oh my god, it's like in Raising Arizona where that asshole guy wants to adopt a baby but all that's left is "two Koreans and a negro born with his heart on the outside."
Posted by s.mirk on August 31, 2009 at 10:32 AM · Report

Add a comment

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use