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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

News Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 9:22 AM

Mega pharmaceutical company Pfizer is forced to pay $2.3 billion for misleading consumers. Wait… are you saying I've been getting an erection all by myself?!?

Taliban suicide bomber kills an Afghanistan spy chief during a mosque attack that leaves 22 others dead.

The two recently freed American reporters say they were tricked into stepping onto North Korean soil, and when they tried to rectify their mistake, were forcibly dragged back into the country by soldiers (or maybe the tourism board?).

American private security guards in Afghanistan (hired to protect diplomats and the like) are accused of having "nude parties" and urinating on each other. Well, I'm pretty sure they don't get HBO there… so they have to do something.

Cindy McCain compares the pain of her migraines to her husband's torture while he was a POW in Vietnam. I think I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's an unfair comparison.

Sources say that the recently deceased DJ AM was found with eight OxyContin pills in his stomach, and one in his mouth. Also his Blackberry was filled with text messages from worried friends, one of which that said, "Some (expletive) just said you're dead. Better text me back." Brrrr.

And finally, a ball boy eats it at the US Open. And by "it" I mean any remaining vestiges of self respect.

 

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