This Week in the Mercury

The Legend of Zelda


The Legend of Zelda

Not Even Grimm's Actors Can Save Three Days of Rain from Itself




Chastity Belt Gets "Ma-Toor"

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 9:32 AM

Back-to-School season is weak for retailers trying to sell teen supplies—probably because they refuse to bring back the New Kids on the Block Trapper Keeper! DUH!!

Doctors in India come up with a brilliant scheme to help the baby born with his heart outside his body: shove it back inside. DUH!!

Former Manson Family member Susan Atkins to parole board: "May I be released, please?" Parole Board to Susan Atkins: "Well, since you held down pregnant actress Sharon Tate and stabbed her 16 times, we're thinking the answer is 'NO'. DUH!!"

Seventy days later, Michael Jackson will be "buried" tonight—and by "buried" we mean "living in Dubai with Jim Morrison and Elvis, DUH!!"

A 61-year-old man slaps an unknown 2-year-old child for crying too loud. Where did it happen? In Georgia, DUH!! At a WAL-MART! DUH!! DUH!!

A 65-year-old anti-health reform protester hits a pro-heath reform advocate in the face, who responds by biting the old fart's finger off. Well… DUH!! What else would he do?

Levi Johnston says in his Vanity Fair interview that Sarah Palin wanted to adopt her grandchild so the public wouldn't learn that her 17-year-old daughter was pregnant. Hmmm… no DUH!!

Guess who is super-duper (and I mean REALLY) upset about Oasis breaking up? DUH!! It's Hitler!

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