This Week in the Mercury

The Creepiest Love Songs of All Time

Music

The Creepiest Love Songs of All Time

A Special Valentine's Day Playlist


24/7 Jihad

Books

24/7 Jihad

The Mirage Reverses the Roles in the War on Terror



  |  

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Luv / City Hall What's the Perfect Sam Adams Birthday Gift?!

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 12:19 PM

Today is the most important day on the entire City of Portland calendar: Mayor Adams' birthday! It's a good thing, too, because according to the Internet that's about the only interesting thing that has even happened on this day (except, uh, the signing of the Treaty of Paris) and we still have nineteen long days before the birthday of the actual Sam Adams.

But anyway, it's Mayor Adams' birthday and that raises the major question: what should we buy Sam for his special day? According to Wikipedia, he's turning 46.

adamsbirthday.jpg
  • Photoshopping - M. Davis

Birthdays are strange events for Portland politicians because city employees cannot accept gifts for over $25 from anyone other than their families. Plus, they have to report all gifts under $25 to the city auditor's office. Matt and I are both 100% excited about chipping in up $12.50 each to buy Sam a gift that will be both excellent and slightly embarrassing to report. So... what should it be?

A Super Soaker Sneak Attack 4 Way? A gift certificate to the Sandy Hut? A can of Poop Freeze?

Suggest away in the comments! We promise to actually purchase and deliver the best item suggested.

 

Comments (21) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Get him a box full of Integrity and Intelligence.
Posted by Number Six on September 3, 2009 at 12:25 PM · Report
2
A decal of Calvin pissing on a crying #3 for his truck.
Posted by Commenty Colin on September 3, 2009 at 12:30 PM · Report
3
I thought truck balls would be good too, but they are too expensive. Note: the website I checked had the white balls as "flesh" colored. It turns out the manufacturers of BumperNuts aren't very "progressive."
Posted by Commenty Colin on September 3, 2009 at 12:41 PM · Report
4
UPDATE: 24.95$ !!!

http://www.bumpernuts.com/Order%20Page.htm

You don't have to factor shipping into the $25, right?
Posted by Commenty Colin on September 3, 2009 at 12:43 PM · Report
5
Shouldnt someone make sure he doesnt already have bumpernuts?

Posted by Demondog on September 3, 2009 at 1:09 PM · Report
6
Dancing Bare t-shirt, it has the neighborhood flavor and you could support a local business.
Posted by i know, i know on September 3, 2009 at 1:17 PM · Report
7
Just give him the cash, so he has to report your gift of nonsequential, unmarked bills.
Posted by Reymont on September 3, 2009 at 1:23 PM · Report
8
A bottle of 18 year old scotch!!!!
Posted by themonkeysknow on September 3, 2009 at 1:25 PM · Report
9
An ego reduction and honesty implants.
Posted by pdxrocks on September 3, 2009 at 1:48 PM · Report
10
Cab fare and breath mints, if you know what I'm sayin'.....
Posted by LokNaar on September 3, 2009 at 3:11 PM · Report
11
How about a vintage not aged more than 17 years?

Posted by fahqueue on September 3, 2009 at 4:26 PM · Report
12
I have access to a copy of the Unzipped with Beau on the cover. It is signed "Happy Birthday Adam" You can forge an "s" on to it and make for ulta-LULZ.
Posted by Graham on September 3, 2009 at 4:36 PM · Report
13
So far I think it HAS to be the bumpernuts, or the Dancing Bare t-shirt. Perhaps.
Posted by Matt Davis on September 3, 2009 at 4:45 PM · Report
14
I love he Dunce Cap!! Oh that's a birthday hat, my bad.
Posted by Unreal on September 3, 2009 at 5:10 PM · Report
15
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oecTa3hF9KY
Posted by matt davis dancing bare on September 3, 2009 at 5:14 PM · Report
16
A few sixers of Sam Adams beer. I'm *positive* he's never gotten that before.
Posted by PDXwahine on September 3, 2009 at 6:37 PM · Report
17
What about those dayglo plastic things you put on your bike spokes that slide up and down as you ride and make neat clicky noises. Do they still make those?
Posted by Will Radik on September 3, 2009 at 7:41 PM · Report
18
Cockbib

$14.99


http://cockbibcrazy.com/happybirthdayblk.a…
Posted by themme on September 3, 2009 at 10:22 PM · Report
19
Whatever you get him, make sure it has a Beau on it. OH, HELL YES!
Posted by a.O on September 4, 2009 at 8:01 AM · Report
20
Chock full o'Nuts

Something personalized from Sausage-Stuffer.com?
Posted by bruce123456 on September 4, 2009 at 11:06 AM · Report
21
A can of Anti Monkey Butt Powder of course! http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/
Posted by scottquick on September 7, 2009 at 1:46 PM · Report

Add a comment

Our Friends

Our Enemies

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use