This Week in the Mercury
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Luv / City Hall What's the Perfect Sam Adams Birthday Gift?!
Posted by Sarah Mirk on Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 12:19 PM
Today is the most important day on the entire City of Portland calendar: Mayor Adams' birthday! It's a good thing, too, because according to the Internet that's about the only interesting thing that has even happened on this day (except, uh, the signing of the Treaty of Paris) and we still have nineteen long days before the birthday of the actual Sam Adams.
But anyway, it's Mayor Adams' birthday and that raises the major question: what should we buy Sam for his special day? According to Wikipedia, he's turning 46.
- Photoshopping - M. Davis
Birthdays are strange events for Portland politicians because city employees cannot accept gifts for over $25 from anyone other than their families. Plus, they have to report all gifts under $25 to the city auditor's office. Matt and I are both 100% excited about chipping in up $12.50 each to buy Sam a gift that will be both excellent and slightly embarrassing to report. So... what should it be?
A Super Soaker Sneak Attack 4 Way? A gift certificate to the Sandy Hut? A can of Poop Freeze?
Suggest away in the comments! We promise to actually purchase and deliver the best item suggested.
Showing 1-21 of 21
Get him a box full of Integrity and Intelligence.
A decal of Calvin pissing on a crying #3 for his truck.
I thought truck balls would be good too, but they are too expensive. Note: the website I checked had the white balls as "flesh" colored. It turns out the manufacturers of BumperNuts aren't very "progressive."
UPDATE: 24.95$ !!!
http://www.bumpernuts.com/Order%20Page.htm
You don't have to factor shipping into the $25, right?
Shouldnt someone make sure he doesnt already have bumpernuts?
Dancing Bare t-shirt, it has the neighborhood flavor and you could support a local business.
Just give him the cash, so he has to report your gift of nonsequential, unmarked bills.
A bottle of 18 year old scotch!!!!
An ego reduction and honesty implants.
Cab fare and breath mints, if you know what I'm sayin'.....
How about a vintage not aged more than 17 years?
I have access to a copy of the Unzipped with Beau on the cover. It is signed "Happy Birthday Adam" You can forge an "s" on to it and make for ulta-LULZ.
So far I think it HAS to be the bumpernuts, or the Dancing Bare t-shirt. Perhaps.
I love he Dunce Cap!! Oh that's a birthday hat, my bad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oecTa3hF9KY
A few sixers of Sam Adams beer. I'm *positive* he's never gotten that before.
What about those dayglo plastic things you put on your bike spokes that slide up and down as you ride and make neat clicky noises. Do they still make those?
Cockbib
$14.99
http://cockbibcrazy.com/happybirthdayblk.a…
Whatever you get him, make sure it has a Beau on it. OH, HELL YES!
Chock full o'Nuts
Something personalized from Sausage-Stuffer.com?
A can of Anti Monkey Butt Powder of course! http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/
Need Scooter Service?
We sell and repair scooters, and have a full service department specializing in Chinese brand scooters; we work on all brands of scooters, however.
Band of the Week
Bombs Into You
About Portland Mercury
RSSGoing to Seattle?
Comments (21) RSS