Yesterday all I wanted to do was just make fun of Charlie Sheen and 9/11 "Truthers," but it turns out that both respective camps—well, at least the "Truthers"—do not take well to my lazy attempt at humor. So instead of my usual Wednesday work schedule of YouTube cat videos and fantasy baseball box scores, I've been forced to trudge through an epic pile of hate mail from grammatically challenged people who are just as devoted to uncovering what happened on September 11th, 2001 as they are to using the CAPS LOCK key.

Since none of their angry emails were able to convince me that our government is skilled enough to knock down buildings with green screens and the same soundstage they filmed the moon landing on, I've decided to comb through the crazy and present you with the best of the 9/11 "Truthers" hate mail.

Slide on your tinfoil hat and watch out for black helicopters, because the real truth is out there:

"ezra caraeff = DUSCHBAG!"

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"I'm sure it was unwittingly, (much like the rest of your un-interesting, un-original existence) but your journalistic ineptitude, was displayed like a Peacock mooning a black light, in your story regarding Charlie Sheen."

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"Your prose style blows." [This one really hurt because the author was writing from a journalist.com email address]

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"pathetic attempt to critisize the heroic effort of sheen. you ARE A MORON EZRA CARAEFF! VERY POOR."

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"Subject: Your fired
sorry but you suck so much. I think that your article on charlie sheen was a paid for smear and I hope you don't choke on the can of beans you buy with your money."