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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Geek / Drunk Dungeons & Dragons Soda Is Magical, Will Make All of Your Dreams Come True.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Wed, Sep 16, 2009 at 2:11 PM

d_dsoda.png

Perhaps because my diet consists largely of Kit-Kats, usually when I approach Mercury Food Editor Patrick Coleman about writing for the Mercury's food section, our interactions go like this:

ME: Man, Patrick Swayze sure was graceful, wasn't he? I'm really sad that he's gone.
PATRICK: Uh... sure?
ME: Hey, that reminds me: You should let me review food for your food section! I like telling people my opinions!
PATRICK: You know nothing about food.
ME: ...
PATRICK: You had seven Kit-Kats for lunch today.
ME: Fuck you, Patrick.

~fin~

But you know what I do fucking know about, Patrick? You know what I am qualified to drink? FUCKING DUNGEONS & MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS SODA POP, THAT'S WHAT.

I just ordered a six-pack of them—containing the fantastical flavors "Potion of Healing," "Dwarven Draught," "Eldritch Beast," "Sneak Attack," "Bigby's Crushing Thirst Destroyer," and my sure-to-be-favorite, "Illithid Brain Juice"—and as soon as they arrive (HURRY UP! ARRIVE ALREADY!) I will be drinking them all in a row, probably while watching this over and over and over ("Now it's your time to DIEEEEEEEEE!"), and then I will review them for you, dear Blogtown readers, whether Patrick Coleman says it's okay or not. Sleep easy this eventide, friends; thou shalt have mine opinion on D&D elixir 'fore thou knowest.

Thanks to Topless Robot. Want to drink along? Dungeons & Dragons Spellcasting Soda available here.

 

Comments (7) RSS

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1
They were giving away Magic: The Gathering themed sodas at the Wizards party at PAX. If these are anything like them, then it is just their normal soda with a nerdalicious name (ie Root Beer becomes Necromancers Tonic)
Posted by caustic on September 16, 2009 at 2:23 PM · Report
2
God, you're a fucking nerd. Remind me to stick your head in a toilet and flush it.
Posted by Graham on September 16, 2009 at 2:28 PM · Report
3
Hey, I hear that "Potion of Healing" one is the GOP's best idea for a solution to the health care problem. Ah ... ha ha ha. Thank you.

Graham, I'm not surprised you have yet to figure this out, but in this existence you are the one whose head is going in the toilet, you nerdy little bitch.
Posted by Jesus Fucking Christ on September 16, 2009 at 2:34 PM · Report
4
JFC, I have no idea why you think I'm a nerd.
Posted by Graham on September 16, 2009 at 2:42 PM · Report
5
How perfect would it be if one of the ingredients was "20-sided food dye?"
Posted by TSW on September 16, 2009 at 3:26 PM · Report
6
Are you sure you don't want to drink them and watch the original Sci-Fi picture The Knights of Bloodsteel!?
Posted by Will Radik on September 16, 2009 at 4:44 PM · Report
7
I suggest you save the Potion of Healing for last, especially if thou wish to imbibe Illithid Bain Juice. I mean, those tentacled freaks have taste for Halfling grey matter. It's like drinking Mother Brain's wizz, trust me, you're gonna' need a mad ass Fortitude Save!

Take care good sir. :)
Posted by GeekintheCity on September 17, 2009 at 8:07 AM · Report

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