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Friday, September 18, 2009

Your Toaster Sucks!

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Fri, Sep 18, 2009 at 2:12 PM

There are few foods that I love as much as I love toast. The reasons for my affection are numerous. Among them are the facts toast is warm and crunchy, it's made quickly, and varies widely in flavor depending on what bread you happen to be using.

Kitty and I recently took the leap of purchasing a toaster oven, having failed to receive one for a wedding gift (you know who you are and you aren’t getting a thank you card until we get that Bed Bath and Beyond gift certificate). Our old toaster, a beautiful chrome model from the 60’s, had a tendency to burn the shit out of anyone who came near it. While it was an efficient way to wake-up in the morning, we both became tired of buttering our wounds instead of our toast.

Enter the toaster oven. The perfect little appliance has revolutionized our life. To begin with, we don’t have to heat up our old inefficient electric oven. Also, I’ve rediscovered my love for quesadillas. But most importantly it makes mad toast. What’s more, after toasting the toast you can top the toast and toast it again! Mind-blowing.

For weeks I’ve been madly in love with my toaster oven. But then I received a press release featuring a toaster than made my little toaster oven look like a two-bit washed-up has-been whore with no future. Behold the beauty of the Pop Art Toaster:


I'm too sexy for my...toast. Yup, toast that makes you feel good about yourself. Wake up grumpy? We have toast for that too. And with 7 heat settings, 3 toasting functions, and a slide out crumb tray, does breakfast get any easier or more Fun?!?

To which I can only reply: “No ?!?” Just check out the “4 Image Plastic Stupid Toaster by David & Goliath”


Yeah, yeah, I know this has already been done with the special Limited Edition Cylon Toaster, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to eat toast that said “boys r smelly.” Now I can. We are truly living in the future. Anyone want a free toaster oven?

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