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Monday, September 28, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Sep 28, 2009 at 10:13 AM

The Obama administration is working on a package of even harsher sanctions against Iran if they continue their nuclear program, including cutting off investments, restricting banks and perhaps even an occasional "tsk-tsk" or stern finger wag.

In response, Iran pretty much says, "Eff you, American effers."

One of the new rising stars in the GOP is none other than Dick Cheney's daughter (the mean hetero one, not the cool lesbian one).

Conservative NYT political columnist William Safire dies, and with him, such glorious phrases as “nattering nabobs of negativism” and “hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history.”

Director Roman Polanski is finally arrested in Switzerland for having sex with a 13-year-old girl; French authorities protest saying, "But… but… Chinatown!"

Plus! Polanski's Wikipedia page has been locked after an "edit war" broke out between users who couldn't agree on how important it is that the director porked a 13-year-old. [Can someone please edit the word "porked" from the previous sentence?]

Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi won't shut up about Barack Obama and Michelle's "tans." Please shut up, Silvio. Just shut up.

Drunk NYPD officer mows down a woman leaving a wedding. Ugh!

Over 2 billion iPhone applications have been downloaded. How do they know? They have an app for that.

One of Saturday Night Live's newest castmembers Jenny Slate lets slip with the f-word on live TV. Soooo… PLAY HER OFF, LORNE (Michaels) CAT!

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