This Week in the Mercury

Film Shorts

Film

Film Shorts

In Which We Hit It and Quit It


Bombad Three Dees!

Film

Bombad Three Dees!

Ooo! Da Phantom Menace! Deesa Besto Star Warsie!



Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Sep 30, 2009 at 9:47 AM

At least 89 people killed as a tsunami crashes into the Samoa Islands.

An earthquake in Indonesia kills 75.

A typhoon kills over 300 in Southeast Asia. JESUS CHRIST! ENOUGH WITH THE NATURAL DISASTERS ALREADY!

Troop withdrawal from Iraq speeds up, with 4,000 more soldiers expected home next month.

Anti-choice zealots try to sneak in anti-abortion provisions into the health care overhaul… and are ABORTED.

Transportation secretary Ray LaHood is calling distracted drivers (those talking on cellphones and texting) a "menace to society." In a related story, Daily Bugle publisher J. Jonah Jameson is suing Mr. LaHood for copyright infringement.

Get ready for the Apple Tablet (debuting in January 2010), which is basically an iPod for newspapers, books and magazines, and promises to be yet another device to utterly confuse your grandma!

According to Us Magazine, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND JESSICA BIEL HAVE SPLIT! (Move over ladies! I'm not afraid to throw an elbow!)

A Jimmy Kimmel/Sarah Silverman sex tape? Mmmmmmmmmm... no thanks.

And finally, just to keep things in perspective

putting-things-in-perspective-19488-1254325865-26.jpg

I kind of wish Jess' parents were still alive, too. (Maybe then she wouldn't be such a downer.)

 

Comments (5) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
I find the first two responses much more depressing.
Posted by NIG GER on September 30, 2009 at 10:09 AM · Report
2
I would like to see a Sarah Silverman sex tape, sans Kimmel.
Posted by Demondog on September 30, 2009 at 10:36 AM · Report
3
Curse you, sexters!
Posted by atomic on September 30, 2009 at 1:32 PM · Report
4
Today is Ducknesday. Howard says he would like to make a sex tape with Sarah. So there.
Posted by ujfoyt on September 30, 2009 at 1:50 PM · Report
5
Silvermasn, not Mirk.
Posted by ujfoyt on September 30, 2009 at 1:51 PM · Report

Add a comment

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use