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Thursday, October 1, 2009

Ethics 5-year-old Kills Gator, Vows to Kill Again

Posted by Dave Bow on Thu, Oct 1, 2009 at 11:45 AM

Hey, remember a couple of weeks ago when that cheerleader, Arianne, killed an alligator and everyone was impressed by her ability to fit into two societal categories at once? Well hold onto your hats, because she's got competition!

Another alligator has been charged with the crimes of being big and existing. It was sentenced to be shot in the face by a 5-year-old boy. Little Simon Hughes demonstrated the motor skills to pull a trigger and was rewarded with an 800 lb., 12-foot alligator body. That almost doubles the weight of Arianne's! Check out this CNN video of Simon being adorable and terrifying.

Does our nation have room in its heart for more than one unlikely gator hunter? Clearly nobody has heard the story of my first birthday where I popped out of my mom's fallopian tube only to land on the neck of the a plesiosaur that I strangled to death. Where's my CNN fluff piece??!

plesiosaur
  • You're welcome, Nation History Museum of South Kensington

 

Comments (3) RSS

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1
I think your story is made up. See you didn't fall out of your mother's fallopian tube on your first birthday, you fell out of it a year before then: your actual birth-day as it was.
Posted by Matthew D on October 1, 2009 at 12:48 PM · Report
2
Disturbingly close to the recent Onion video: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/litt…
Posted by Reymont on October 1, 2009 at 4:20 PM · Report
3
Putting a weapon that can kill in the hands of a 5 year old child is rather stupid, in my estimation.
Posted by ujfoyt on October 2, 2009 at 10:55 AM · Report

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