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Monday, October 5, 2009

Good Morning, News!!

Posted by Matt Davis on Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 9:47 AM

SECOND RECALL!!! Nigel Jaquiss at the WW has the story you've been longing for. Or not. I'm going with not.

SHO DOZONO'S CLOSED RESTAURANT!!! Has this in the window now. WTF?

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TREASURY MISLED PUBLIC!!! About the bailout. Speaking of which, we saw the new Michael Moore film on capitalism last night: Hank Paulson is a ruthless, evil motherfucker. Who knew!

SO LONG, GOURMET, COOKIE, MODERN BRIDE, AND ELEGANT BRIDE!!! Conde Nast shutters four magazines, on advice from McKinsie consultants.

MORE CAMARADERIE THAN COMPETITION!!! At the Oregon Manifest bike race.

LETTERMAN'S LOVE PAD!!! More details emerge, following his admission on air last week that, shock horror, he has slept with a few women. Gawker, meanwhile, asks simply: "Who's your favorite media pussyhound?" Including some disgusting details of a harassment lawsuit against Bill O'Reilly.

THE HUNTED GAY MEN OF IRAQ!!! This is what happens when we bring freedom and democracy to a country, it seems.

MCDONALDS OPENS AT THE LOUVRE!!! Even the Daily News considers this an affront to taste and decency.

EATING CANDY CAUSES CRIME!!! Note: This is the only determining factor in a criminal lifestyle.

OBAMA 'FURIOUS' AT MCCHRYSTAL!!! Summons the Afghan general for a 25-minute face-to-face aboard Air Force One in Copenhagen.

OBAMA WAS TOLD TRIP TO COPENHAGEN MIGHT WIN OLYMPIC BID!!! Getting "clear messages," apparently.

WHITE PEOPLE LIKE BANKSY!!! Shit.

JON GOSSELIN STOLE $230,000!!! Sorry for mentioning it.

Good day.

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