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In Which We Hit It and Quit It

Friday, October 16, 2009

Hipster Fish Assault

Posted by Dave Bow on Fri, Oct 16, 2009 at 12:26 PM

OMG. What's the weirdest part of this updated Oregonian story about the Portland stabber (that we briefly mentioned in Good Morning News a couple of days ago):

  • 1. That it is about Mr. Fite stabbing his ex-girlfriend's betta fish, DeLorean, in a jealous rage?

  • 2. That he told police "If she can't have me, then she can't have the fish?"
  • 3. That the ex-girlfriend didn't show up for his court hearing, but requested that the man pay for a memorial tattoo of the fish?

  • 4. That The Oregonian calls him a "hipster" in the headline?


Have we finally found the definition of "hipster?" Does it mean "fish-stabber?"

Fite's attorney said that stabbing the fish was “a very low point” in his client’s life, and that Fite is "absolutely mortified and ashamed about what he did to the fish."

This was a very low point, but not the lowest. Rumor has it that Jeremy Fite once dated a marine biologist and karate-chopped a shark when she broke up with him. Fish beware!

(Thanks to Natasha Stoudt for the link)

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