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Friday, October 23, 2009

Playmates Fail to Stimulate Pompous Jerk

Posted on Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 2:53 PM

image from cardcow.com
  • image from cardcow.com

Guess what, everyone? Some guy had a Playboy Playmate in his office and was actually bored, instead of being aroused to the point of drooling all over himself and/or jizzing in his pants, like any normal person would have been. Isn’t that ridiculous? The dude in question, John Blumenthal, recently wrote an article for OpenSalon.com detailing his time at Playboy writing copy he admits was “driveling nonsense” and interviewing busty women he says were completely inane. The Bitch blog officially declared the guy a douchebag, and Heartless Doll did a number on him, too.

It’s unclear to me how serious he is and what his point is, and I’m finding it hard to even explain why his article is irritating. Scratch that. His article is irritating because it’s incredibly pompous. He throws out seemingly self-deprecating jokes like how Playboy is “known throughout the world as a bastion of journalism” and how he “had survived many years of hard living, having just graduated from college with a degree in English.” (I’m assuming he’s being sarcastic here. Right?) But at the same time he seems pretty smug about the fact that he was surrounded by Double-Ds and still yawning, due to his clearly superior intellect. Then again, he admits that he couldn’t sleep with them, because “that virginal terrain was cultivated exclusively by Hef.” So... the women were useless idiots because they couldn’t carry on a conversation. But really they were useless because he couldn’t sleep with them. Had he managed to woo them with his liberal arts charm, would their lack of brains have been acceptable?

I’m not worked up about the fact that he thought the girls were dumb. Having a nice body and big boobs doesn’t mean you have an IQ to match, just as it doesn’t preclude that possibility. I bet I would have been bored, too, had my job been to interview the Playmates and write their bios. But would I have needed to tell everyone how much smarter I was and how they were soooo stupid that I couldn’t even use them to blow my load, which, come on, is their only real purpose anyway?

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