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Friday, October 23, 2009

Gossip Playmates Fail to Stimulate Pompous Jerk

Posted by Ali "the Intern" Reingold on Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 2:53 PM

image from cardcow.com
  • image from cardcow.com

Guess what, everyone? Some guy had a Playboy Playmate in his office and was actually bored, instead of being aroused to the point of drooling all over himself and/or jizzing in his pants, like any normal person would have been. Isn’t that ridiculous? The dude in question, John Blumenthal, recently wrote an article for OpenSalon.com detailing his time at Playboy writing copy he admits was “driveling nonsense” and interviewing busty women he says were completely inane. The Bitch blog officially declared the guy a douchebag, and Heartless Doll did a number on him, too.

It’s unclear to me how serious he is and what his point is, and I’m finding it hard to even explain why his article is irritating. Scratch that. His article is irritating because it’s incredibly pompous. He throws out seemingly self-deprecating jokes like how Playboy is “known throughout the world as a bastion of journalism” and how he “had survived many years of hard living, having just graduated from college with a degree in English.” (I’m assuming he’s being sarcastic here. Right?) But at the same time he seems pretty smug about the fact that he was surrounded by Double-Ds and still yawning, due to his clearly superior intellect. Then again, he admits that he couldn’t sleep with them, because “that virginal terrain was cultivated exclusively by Hef.” So... the women were useless idiots because they couldn’t carry on a conversation. But really they were useless because he couldn’t sleep with them. Had he managed to woo them with his liberal arts charm, would their lack of brains have been acceptable?

I’m not worked up about the fact that he thought the girls were dumb. Having a nice body and big boobs doesn’t mean you have an IQ to match, just as it doesn’t preclude that possibility. I bet I would have been bored, too, had my job been to interview the Playmates and write their bios. But would I have needed to tell everyone how much smarter I was and how they were soooo stupid that I couldn’t even use them to blow my load, which, come on, is their only real purpose anyway?

 

Comments (8) RSS

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1
Shortly after a lot of people graduate from college, they get out into the real world and realize that a lot of people are very dumb. I mean, they were hanging out with other people that were of a similar intelligence as they are, (and since they are in college, smarter than the average person in this country,) and then when they get out they have to deal with average people, and average people, are well, average...

People express this in various ways, but a certain percentage of them become real jerks and complain about it loudly, but it is safe to say that the average 22 year old college graduate has just realized that the average person in this country is dumb compared to them and it is a surprise.

Putting this rant in that context, yes, he is a jerk, but it actually has nothing to do with Playboy or whether or not the women will sleep with him or anything like that, it is just a phase in his life.

All that said, I'm guessing that the beautiful women with matching IQs have found something better to do with their life than pose naked in some magazine. I could be wrong in that regard, but if you asked around of the intelligent women that you know, I bet that very few of them are not posing in playboy just because they don't have the body for it...
Posted by Matthew D on October 23, 2009 at 3:44 PM · Report
2
Heartless Doll! FTW! I WRITE FOR THEM.

That is all.
Posted by kiala on October 23, 2009 at 3:46 PM · Report
3
Counterpoint: This is what the feminist blogosphere is wasting their indignation on? Aren't there better targets of our collective ire than some old dude pathetically reliving his glory days?
Posted by Alison Hallett on October 23, 2009 at 3:47 PM · Report
4
Speaking of inane...
Posted by Jesus Fucking Christ on October 23, 2009 at 4:18 PM · Report
5
I'm trying to figure out if it would make a difference if the article was written by a woman.
Posted by Matt Davis on October 23, 2009 at 4:22 PM · Report
6
I agree with Matt. You could take all those complaints, change the "why did I"s to "why do they"s and you'd have a sassy Bitch article.
Posted by atomic on October 23, 2009 at 4:39 PM · Report
7
"Had he managed to woo them with his liberal arts charm, would their lack of brains have been acceptable?"

Speaking as a pompous douchebag, yes.
Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on October 23, 2009 at 11:09 PM · Report
8
@Matthew D - I've done a lot of college and a lot of shit jobs, and I've never noticed that people in college are "smarter." There were just as many idjits going to class as there were stacking boxes down in the warehouse. Only difference is that the folks in college have that "work extra hard today for a better tomorrow" mentality.

Oh, and your final paragraph, about how intelligent women probably don't choose to pose in Playboy? I think those models get paid a shit ton of money, so intelligence probably isn't the deciding factor.
Posted by Reymont on October 26, 2009 at 8:32 AM · Report

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