SENATE TO ADD PUBLIC OPTION!!! And Ron Wyden (R-NY) was on motherfucking CNN this morning, dissing the idea.

MONSTER SHARK ATTACKS RIVAL!!! This story really only needs the picture:

SHARK BITE: "WELL, IT DOES STING A BIT," SHARK #2 ADMITS

TIMBERLAKE'S STALKER!!! Also went after Metallica's drummer, and Axl Rose, in the past.

SOMETIMES A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR!!! The makers of an Indonesian clove cigarette try to get around a new FDA ban, claiming, "it's a cigar." It's close but no cigar. Etcetera.

"NOT A GOOD FIT WITH THE WINDOWS BRAND!!!" Microsoft withdraws its sponsorship of an episode of Family Guy because of jokes about the holocaust, incest, "riffs on deaf people," and "feminine hygeine." Tune in, November 8.

"OUT HAVING A TACO!!!" ESPN benches announcer for alleged racist crack at a Colombian race car driver.

LEVI JOHNSTON'S PENIS??? Did Bristol Palin's loverrrrr reveal his cock in a recent Playgirl shoot? Here's hoping. I bet it's enormous.

"MISCEGENATION IS A CRIME AGAINST AMERICAN VALUES!!!" A fan of the Republican National Committee has uploaded an image of the President gnawing on fried chicken, calling on the Supreme Court to reverse the case that legalized interracial marriage:

Doubtless the teabaggers will be hoping this gets ignored by the mainstream media. Michael Steele's blog, "What Up?" which promised to take the GOP message into "urban-suburban hip-hop settings," was also quickly changed after launch a few weeks ago.

MADGE FEELS LIKE 'OLD WOMAN'!!! The Sun keeps it classy.

WOULD YOU POSE NUDE??? The Sun keeps it classier—giving us the perfect suggestion for the next set of Mercury endorsement interviews.

TOMMY DAVIS EYES!!! Gawker has more on Tommy Davis, the Scientology spokesman.

SWASTIKAS AT KATY PERRY'S PARTY!!! Bringing sick new Aryan meaning to Taylor Swift.

Good day.