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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Good Morning, News!!

Posted by Matt Davis on Tue, Nov 10, 2009 at 9:20 AM

WHO'S TO BLAME FOR FORT HOOD??? A "radical imam"? Hmm? Personally I blame George Bush's illegal war and a particularly brutal nervous breakdown. But that probably makes me a terrorist.

BERNIE MADOFF'S BOOGIE BOARDS!!! And other personal effects are being auctioned off.

BUBBA'S ON THE CASE!!! The man who fucked up health reform last time around seems to think the can convince members of the US Senate it's now a good idea.

OBAMA: DROP STUPAK-PITTS!!! Assuming there's ever a health reform package for him to sign, Obama wants this outrageous abortion amendment dropped.

JUSTICE DEPARTMENT ASKS NEWS SITE FOR VISITOR LISTS!!! If you run a blog, get a lawyer before answering these kinds of letters. They're bullshit, at least under Oregon shield law, as we proved last year. Oh, and once you've got that lawyer, call a newspaper and tell them what happened. Or email one. Whatever.

21-YEAR-OLD WINS $8.5MILLION IN POKER WORLD SERIES!!! Just gives him longer to lose it.

"KEEP YOUR BALLS ON THE FAIRWAY, OR INVEST IN A STOCK OF BIODEGRADABLE BALLS." There's some advice for the ages.

"IT'S MADE FROM, LITERALLY, INDUSTRIAL TANKS..." Starbucks' Vice President of In-store Design talks about a coffee table, commemorating the coffee chain's opening a new "premium location" in London's Conduit Street. I can just imagine the British camera crew's reaction to his chatter. "The first hit when you get when you walk in the door is a great big presence around the bar itself, the theater, there's great coffee messaging upstairs, I think we're really bringing our coffee messaging as front and center," he says. I'm expecting one of these to open in Old Town, soon, with a special gold-plated syringe receptacle.

And on the local Blogs?

"APPALLING" SEX ABUSER GETS 50 YEARS!!! Yep, it's appalling.

BAD SERVICE!!! Food dude links to a list of 100 things a restaurant server should never do.

BIKE MASTER PLAN DOESN'T LIVE UP TO CITY'S POTENTIAL!!! Bikeportland.org has the scoop on the Bicycle Transportation Alliance's criticism of the city's bike master plan.

"Ma'am, I know that isn't good, but we'll all get health care." Karol Collymore slams the Stupak-Pitts amendment at Blue Oregon.

CITY TO PUT UP CESAR CHAVEZ SIGNS NEXT MONTH!!! Beth Slovic very nearly wins her paper a second Pulitzer.

GLENN BECK MEETS INTERNET, LOSES!!! From Gawker:

Maybe Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, and maybe he didn't. Wherever the truth lies, it's clear that the World Intellectual Property Organization has decided that he can't stop the internet from asking the question.

COLUMBIA PROF PUNCHES COLLEAGUE IN THE FACE!!! After a discussion about white privilege. Tom Wolfe is already writing about it, sucker.

RHIANNA'S TOPLESS!!! Woo-hoo, says The Sun.

Good day.

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