Obama is expected to announce he will send more troops to Afghanistan, as well as his plan for eventually bringing them all home. Aaaand probably sending them back again. Rinse and repeat.

Bickering Senate Democrats start debating Obama's health care reform package today—LET THE FREAK SHOW BEGIN!

Hey Westsiders: Still mad about possibly drinking poop? Here's your "things could be worse" headline of the day: "Radioactive isotope put in water-cooler by nuclear power worker." Or, you could live in Tuvalu.

Suspected cop shooter continues to evades Seattle police by not being where he was supposed to be.

Those GD Somali pirates are at it again!

Tennis hottie Serena Williams gets a $175,000 fine and two years of probation for her potty mouthed escapade at the US Open. Man, if I got fined 175 grand for every time I said what she said... what's the national debt times 100,000,000?

Tiger Woods is in a minor car crash, and refuses to talk to police about it—but hopefully we'll eventually learn what happened in a letter to Penthouse Forum.

David Hasselhoff was rushed to the hospital over the weekend for unknown (dook, dook, dook) causes.

And finally, though probably fake, still awesome. Soooo… wrecking ball vs. mini van: WHO YA GOT?!?