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Monday, December 7, 2009

Is Tiger Woods—a Man With a Wife and SEVEN NINE Mistresses—a BIG SWISHY QUEER GAY HOMOSEXUAL WHO LIKES DICK?!?

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Dec 7, 2009 at 10:35 AM

No, he's not. But that's how stoopid people are interpreting this detail from the bottomless (get it?) Tiger Woods Sex Scandalathon:

[Woods' alleged mistress Rachel] Uchitel allegedly forwarded along a bizarre, extremely private email from Woods, 33, in which he referenced her famous flings. Woods' email, Uchitel's friend tells Us, details the athlete's "disturbing dream."

"I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament," Woods reportedly wrote. "I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting fucked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that." The married athlete then explains how wired he is from his X-rated vision of Uchitel with TV and baseball hunks. "Now I can't get back to sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is awake. Need an Ambien."

First, let's consider the source: US Magazine. And let's consider those qualifiers: Woods' alleged mistress who allegedly forwarded an email. (Forwarded to who? To US Magazine?) But even if the mistress is for real and the email is for real, this doesn't represent a "gay twist" to the Tiger Woods scandal. Many straight men fantasize about their wives, girlfriends, and mistresses getting it on with other men. Cuckolds, hot wife fetishists, sperm competition syndrome, Insatiable Wives, swingers—the fact that some straight men get off on the idea or reality of their wives/girlfriends/mistresses getting it on with other men isn't exactly breaking news. And it's telling that Tiger was fantasizing about the woman with whom he was cheating on his wife—one of the many women he was cheating with—cheating on him. I can't see into Tiger's erotic inner life, of course, but if Tiger is anything like other married male cheaters his alleged affair with Uchitel turned him on because it was transgressive, because it was a violation and a betrayal, because it was dirty and risky and squalid. The mental image of one of his many mistresses—this one recast as his wife—cheating on him with other dudes not only makes her seem sexually insatiable, shifting some of the responsibility for the affair to her shoulders, it also makes the affair more transgressive, more dangerous, riskier; it adds additional layers of violation and betrayal—all the ingredients that made the affair such a turn on the first place—to the mix, only this time it's Tiger who's being violated and betrayed. The cheater becoming the cheated.

And there's nothing necessarily gay about that.

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