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Monday, December 14, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 10:27 AM

Citibank has announced it has a plan to wean itself off federal assistance. Good, because my nipple is chafing.

Obama tells the banks that they have a greater responsibility to help the economy recover, because of the aforementioned teat.

Surprise, surprise… Sen. Joe Lieberman is being an absolute dick again.

A secret document explaining Iran's nuclear weapon program is, the source says, "alarming." Don't worry, I've already duct-tape sealed my doors.

Waitasecond... Portland isn't America's biggest city with a gay mayor anymore. QUICK! ANNEX GRESHAM!

Warren Buffett gets today's "No Shit, Sherlock!" award for accusing the newspaper business of failing because they got too complacent.

Whoops, sorry Warren… part-time mistress Cori Rist says that Tiger Woods "is not an honest man," making her the new winner of today's "No Shit, Sherlock!" award!

Wait... I can purchase a robot that looks just like me? Oh, boy! I'm gonna have me some fun with this!

And finally a dude in a chicken suit plays a kick-ass version of "What is Love?" (In answer to the eternal question, I would say this sums up "love" pretty well.)

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