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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Assume All Dirty Pictures And Videos Will Be Made Public

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Dec 23, 2009 at 3:12 PM

I’ve been with my GGG boyfriend for three years and he was my first and only sexual partner—up until recently. I was always committed and monogamous, but recently, curious about what sex was like with other people, I fooled around and spent the night with a man I had met at a bar a few weeks earlier (without my boyfriend’s knowledge). That one night was incredible. I discovered intimacy, playfulness, and fun with a near-stranger that I previously fathomed to be impossible; our sexual compatibility and chemistry were great. The night taught me to appreciate different body types and sizes and my sexual curiosity and appetite have been boosted as a result. I am immensely curious to discover other playmates. Although I am not hung up about that night, it did make me less attracted to my boyfriend. His personality has been more erratic and non-predictable in the past few months. I want to terminate the relationship, but I am worried he will carry out a vendetta against me using the many homemade videos and nude photos we took together. I’m curious on what you think about this dilemma. How do I explain to him my desire to explore other people, without bringing up the cheating incident? Or, should I be completely honest and risk seeing my privacy harmed if he seeks revenge? Are homemade tapes/nude photos good ideas or just good blackmail paraphernalia?

Cheaters Prosper Sometimes

My response after the jump...

There's no need to tell your boyfriend the whole truth on your way out the door, CPS. You can tell him that you don't think you guys are a match, and you can tell him that you want to meet and date other people, but feel free to omit the reason why you're so certain of this, i.e. don't tell him that you've already met and dated (and fucked) another person.

And, yes, what you did was wrong. Ideally you would've dumped the boyfriend before fucking the barfriend. But lots of people drift along in an unsatisfying relationships until some sort of catalyst comes along—like a hot fuck—that makes them realize that they simply have to end the relationship that they're in. Since you're not leaving the boyfriend for the barfriend or his best friend, CPS, there's no need to salt his wounds by telling him you slept with someone else as your make your excuses. Just tell him it's over.

As for those pictures and videos...

You can ask him to destroy and/or not share them with anyone. But there's not a lot you can do to stop him from using them to retaliate. Homemade tapes and nude photos are good ideas—but only if you don't care who sees them. If you don't care, you can't be blackmailed. If you do care, or think you'll care, don't make 'em or take 'em.

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