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They Wood

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They Wood

Timber, Two-by-Fours, and 30 Years of Third Angle


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The Unorthodox Life of Dock Ellis



Thursday, December 31, 2009

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Dec 31, 2009 at 9:15 AM

The NSA had info about Al-Qaida choosing a Nigerian man for an upcoming terrorist attack, but American spy agencies failed to put the pieces together. Here, let me help: Al-Qaida + Anybody doing anything = ATTACK!

The Taliban has claimed responsibility for the suicide bomber who infiltrated a CIA base in Afghanistan and killed eight people.

More cheery terrorism news! Five Americans have been caught in Pakistan allegedly trying to join militant groups, and will probably be sentenced to life imprisonment.

Almost actually cheery terrorism news! One of Al-Qaida's most dangerous members has been arrested by the Yemen military. (Don't worry, American military, it's not a competition. Wait... it is a competition, and you lost that one.)

AT&T
ends their sponsorship with Tiger Woods, apparently because he gets more tail than they do.

Rush Limbaugh is resting comfortably after experiencing "chest pains," which may be due to complications from not having a soul.

Poor evangelist Rick Warren needs $900,000 stat, or his Saddleback church won't be able to continue making the world a more disgusting place.

At 12:01 tonight, say, "Happy Twenty-Ten!" Not "Happy Two-thousand-and-ten." 'Kay? Kay.

Rose Bowl tomorrow! So yeah... there's that.

Snow Report! It's disgustingly rainy down here, but expect 15 inches of new powder tomorrow morning at Mt. Hood.

And finally, this is my last chance of the year to use this overused phrase, but it's a goodie: Fat guy vs. frozen lake... WHO YA GOT?!?

Happy New Year, you guys!

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