This Week in the Mercury

I, Anonymous

Columns

I, Anonymous

The Art of the Steal


Deck the Halls

Film

Deck the Halls

Joe Swanberg's Boozy, Druggy Happy Christmas



Monday, January 4, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jan 4, 2010 at 9:31 AM

Civil rights hero Bobby DeLaughter—who prosecuted the famous Medgar Evers murder case involving the Klan in Mississippi—is now going to jail on corruption charges. (Does this mean Alec Baldwin won't be playing him in the sequel to Ghosts of Mississippi?)

More embassies in Yemen close after threats of Al-Qaida attacks.

Thousands of passengers were delayed at Newark Airport after an unscreened passenger slipped through security. According to officials, the man in question "was never located." OOH! That dude was totally Keyser Söze!

The Transportation Security Administration announced they will begin doing "enhanced screening" of any USA-bound passengers traveling through "state sponsors of terrorism or other countries of interest." In other words, don't forget clean underpants!

In Hillbilly News: The Secret Service is investigating an effigy of Obama found hanging from a billboard in Plains, Georgia.

Saddleback pastor Rick Warren asks for $900,000 from parishioners to save his struggling church; receives a whopping $2.4 million. (Don't bother asking him to give the excess back.)

Possible new TV crime drama: BONO: INTERNET COP!

Portland's controversial Greek Cusina is closed; naturally owner Ted Papas blames everyone but himself. (Don't let the purple tentacle hit your ass on the way out, Ted!)

Snow Report! A warm and rainy few days for Mt. Hood Meadows; possibility of new snowfall by the weekend.

And finally, THE MOST AMAZING COMMERCIAL YET OF 2010! When in Birmingham, AL be sure to visit the Cantina restaurant, and pray that Tequila Bot is there!

Comments (4)

Showing 1-4 of 4

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-4 of 4

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy