American Idol (AKA The Ellen DeGeneres Show) returns for another hyperbolic season tomorrow night on Fox... but after this year, you can kiss Simon's limey ass goodbye!

OMG! OMG! OMG!! Glee is gonna be back for a second season, and they need three new castmembers! AND THEY'RE HOLDING OPEN AUDITIONS!! (They're gonna love my singing perverted janitor character!!)

Jerry Seinfeld pooh-poohs Conan O'Brien, sides with NBC on Leno switcharoo. (Hmmm… wasn't Seinfeld in talks to take over Conan's job? Hmmmmmmm....)

Conan going to FOX would be like me going to Burger King. (For a job, not for a burger. I went there yesterday for a burger. It was good. Maybe they're hiring?)

Don't miss tonight's American Masters on PBS, documenting the life of classic soul singer Sam Cooke!

Who watched the season premiere of HBO's Big Love last night? Did you hate the new opening sequence? (Like I obviously did?)