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Last Words

Sarah Kane's 4.48 Psychosis



Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Today's Symphony Review. SNORE!!!!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jan 26, 2010 at 10:40 AM

As you probably realize, we jaded, tight-pant wearing hipsters here at the Smirkury HATE THE SYMPHONY!! Why? Because it is OLD... TIMEY, yo! The symphony is for Metamucil sippin' bucket kickers who are too freaking SQUARE to listen to the greatest band of all time (Vampire Weekend, 'natch). However, for the two or three creaky old-timers who accidentally stumble on to this site while trying to figure out their AARP benefits or how email works, here is the latest in the weekly scolding emails we receive from symphony lover (HA!) Brian Horay. (Seriously, he writes us, like, every week. Can't he Twitter this?)

Dear Mercury: I've completely given up on you. Not only did soloist Chee-Yun tear up the Schnitzer with a 302-year-old violin at the Oregon Symphony this weekend, she was also featured in a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode last fall. All this without even a mention in your so-called music previews. If Horse Feathers was playing a show with a 302-year-old fiddle, it would have been on your fucking cover. Once again, you've managed to drop the ol' proverbial ball.

Brian Horay
SE PDX

Chee-Yun? More like Chee-YUM!
  • Chee-Yun? More like Chee-YUM!

Comments (14) RSS

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When did you rename the Mercury after Sarah? I bet this is just some sort of tax-dodging legal thing like those PDX.fm guys just pulled. Everyone's giving their companies to their women folk. CONSPIRACY!!!

Posted by Graham on January 26, 2010 at 11:16 AM | Report this comment

Mercury just got it's Horse Feather'd ass owned

Posted by somewhereinbetween on January 26, 2010 at 11:33 AM | Report this comment

The Mercury doesn't cover anything at the Schnitzer, you can't afford the tickets. (I'm not sure if that is the Mercury or the Schnitzer's fault, but still, I'm fairly sure it isn't because you don't like the Symphony.)

Posted by Matthew D on January 26, 2010 at 11:44 AM | Report this comment

True that lil letter.
There's a whole world of music you people refuse to cover. There are hundreds of things going on every week in this burg you don't give the slightest attention to. I'm sure the Robinson's (nee Viva Voce) are fine people and very talented, but do you need to write a story every time they take a shit? You would expand your reader base if you had people actually reporting on the many scenes/genres/performers/events that exist beyond the small cadre of indie rock copycats you coddle like they are the only acts in town.
I could name event after event that could have used some coverage. There are many who send you press releases that you ignore because their is no indie-cred-brodown-factor for this rag to snark about. Fucking nepotism of the highest order!

Posted by Abusive on January 26, 2010 at 11:51 AM | Report this comment

Abusive, I completely agree! I've written a 10,000 word feature on Tuvan throat singers which that miserable hipster Ezra refuses to run!

Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on January 26, 2010 at 11:58 AM | Report this comment

Here's the thing. Striking a sarcastic tone when describing yourselves as "tight pants wearing hipsters" only makes it more true.

Posted by anatta on January 26, 2010 at 11:59 AM | Report this comment

I don't see how you can be a competitive weekly paper with any fewer than a hundred music critics on staff, each with a hundred pens and listening to a hundred songs at once.


Posted by atomic on January 26, 2010 at 12:07 PM | Report this comment

Gotta say, I like the cut of this Brian Horay's jib.

Posted by ScrumpyFU on January 26, 2010 at 12:13 PM | Report this comment

I like the classical music & am under 40. I don't expect to learn anything about what's going on here in Portland regarding classical music from the Mercury. Neither do I consult "Guns & Ammo" magazine to check out the new trends in organic farming*. Go to allclassical.org** or listen to 88.9FM for all the information you could possibly want on the subject of classical music in Portland.

* Yes, yes, it's a bad analogy but you get the point.
** I am under 40, but still too old to figure out how to turn this into a link, so do it the old-fashioned way and type it into your dad-blasted browser.

Posted by rico on January 26, 2010 at 12:39 PM | Report this comment

Symphony - can be good sometimes. I prefer chamber ensembles and groups though - particularly ones that focus on the modern era - and handsome boys playing Shostakovich Cello Concertos.

Posted by Psymonetta Isnoful on January 26, 2010 at 12:41 PM | Report this comment

I actually went to the Dvorak concerto at the Schnitz last night, and saw Chee-Yun play that Stradavarius from 1703. It was pretty awesome! I reccomend it, and think I'll go back next month when they have Storm Large singing with them.

Posted by Reymont on January 26, 2010 at 12:59 PM | Report this comment

I think Brian writes you constantly because he is just after some free soup for Letter of the Week. Little does he realize: if you're homeless, crazy, AND love the symphony, you're entitled to a movie deal as Robert Downey Jr.'s magical negro.

Posted by Commenty Colin on January 26, 2010 at 1:00 PM | Report this comment

http://www.classicalrevolutionpdx.org/. Someday I hope the Mercury will grow up to be The Stranger, but I'm not holding my breath.

Posted by R on January 26, 2010 at 1:34 PM | Report this comment

Another great resource for information on the Portland Music Scene is Oregon Music News.. check it out! http://oregonmusicnews.com/ The Classical music section is great!

Just sayin'

Posted by Kellyvdz on January 27, 2010 at 11:58 AM | Report this comment

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