This Week in the Mercury
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Music Please Do Not Attend the Portland Music Awards
Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 9:51 AM
This is what I wrote in this week's paper:
PORTLAND MUSIC AWARDS: COOL NUTZ, 3 LEG TORSO, BOY EATS DRUM MACHINE, WANDERLUST CIRCUS, SOME OTHER CRAPPY BANDS NO ONE WANTS TO SEE
(Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) It pains me to see this sham of an event limp into its third year of existence, but if nothing else, the Portland Music Awards prove that some folks will do just about anything for a chance to win a shiny little trophy. The red flags are alarming: The event is organized via a third-party "nonprofit" by Craig Marquardo (I guess that means Music Spectator magazine never sold for his unintentionally hilarious $25,000 asking price); the event's baffling original choice of headliner, '90s one-hit wonder Meredith Brooks, dropped out; and the show's host—the fat Baldwin brother (Daniel)—has no discernable ties to the local music scene. Portland's music community is great because it doesn't rely on disingenuous, blowjob-y events like this for validation. It's not enough to just suggest—or demand—that you avoid this like the fucking plague. If you drop $25 for this swill, be ashamed. Give that money to Haiti instead.
God, what a dick. But, truth told, I felt like I was pulling my punches a bit. Okay, the fat Baldwin line was just cruel. Sorry, Daniel.
For us, the most difficult part of this clearly unnecessary award show is deciding whether or not to run surly previews like this, or to just ignore the event entirely. To the credit of the PMAs, I'm shocked that they are still around after three years of low attendance and shameful confusion about the very music scene that they are supposedly dedicated to (supposedly, last year an award presenter mentioned that Elliott Smith was unable to attend that night and pick up his "Legends Award" trophy).
The nomination process itself, with it's vague voting results and numerous errors, proves how out of touch the PMAs are. No one is sure why Loch Lomond is nominated for Album of the Year for "Blue Lead Fences," "Night Bats" (Night Bats is an EP, while "Blue Lead Fences" is a single not on the aforementioned EP, or any album for that matter), or why this band is up for Best Live Performance. But, I'll say this, if Deep Roots - St. John's Poetry Sessions, Volume III doesn't win best compilation, I'll fucking kill myself.
It goes without saying that Portland music doesn't require such an event of self-congratulatory backslapping. Ours is a music scene that is nationally—if not globally—known, and one could make a solid case that Portland music is also very overexposed, and that's without an award ceremony. But, hey, if you want to drop $25 to hear two members of Quarterflash do "Harden My Heart" (plus don't forget the "celebrity presenters" and the "red carpet") then don't let this blogging Statler and Waldorf stop you. Have fun.
End Hits: If Meredith Brooks won't be there, neither will we.
Update:
As recommended by Kiala, after the jump is the PMA commercial featuring master thespian, Daniel Baldwin.
2
Why is Keegan Smith nominated for best live performance against Modest Mouse? More importantly, who the hell is Keegan Smith?
3
I traded e-mails with this guy back when he was still publishing the magazine, about a nasty review he gave the Ash Street. He's a dick! No surprise, I know, but I had to find out for myself.
So hey, Merc - why don't you do some annual awards yourself? Not just bands, you could rope in other arts...and local politicians, and such. Why not?? I'll help!
So hey, Merc - why don't you do some annual awards yourself? Not just bands, you could rope in other arts...and local politicians, and such. Why not?? I'll help!
4
"Why is Keegan Smith nominated for best live performance against Modest Mouse?"
Because Keegan Smith is a fantastic live performer and employs extremely talented musicians to back him up.
Perhaps if the local hipster scene wasn't so obsessed with weirdness and spent a little more time improving their chops, there would be more crossover between the various genres in town. Instead, hipsters are bent on excluding anyone who can truly play their instrument for fear people will want to listen to them and they won't get to define what's "cool" anymore.
Because Keegan Smith is a fantastic live performer and employs extremely talented musicians to back him up.
Perhaps if the local hipster scene wasn't so obsessed with weirdness and spent a little more time improving their chops, there would be more crossover between the various genres in town. Instead, hipsters are bent on excluding anyone who can truly play their instrument for fear people will want to listen to them and they won't get to define what's "cool" anymore.
5
"Ours is a music scene that is nationally—if not globally—known, and one could make a solid case that Portland music is also very overexposed, and that's without an award ceremony."
Sorry to break it to you, son, but outside the Portland bubble, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who could name 5 bands from Portland. Pitchfork readers: maybe. But what it's really well-known for is being a city where aspiring bands come to live among other aspiring bands. Outside the city limits, it's not overexposed; it's nonexistent.
If the Portland music scene was really that vibrant, don't you think that a better awards ceremony would've materialized by now? Or is it just too outstanding on its face to have something as meaningless as music awards?
Sorry to break it to you, son, but outside the Portland bubble, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who could name 5 bands from Portland. Pitchfork readers: maybe. But what it's really well-known for is being a city where aspiring bands come to live among other aspiring bands. Outside the city limits, it's not overexposed; it's nonexistent.
If the Portland music scene was really that vibrant, don't you think that a better awards ceremony would've materialized by now? Or is it just too outstanding on its face to have something as meaningless as music awards?
6
I do have to agree with Ezra to some extent. I still stand by my assessment of the divisions between musicians in PDX.
7
"Chops" are fucking boring. And, news flash, plenty of "indie" bands play complex jazzamatazz prog. Which is also fucking boring.
Anyway, the PMAs are hilarious-- it's always interesting to see what's made it onto Marquardo's list this time around. Look deep into the man's delusional stabs at relevance and see if you can figure out why he chose what he did!
Everyone's eligible for a one-size-fits-all feel-good award! Because you're from Portland and just that somehow justifies putting on an awards show. Good job everybody! You're still relevant and everybody sorta remembers you. Don't forget to prop up the hulking, creepy mega-ego that made all this possible. He's such an asset to the community, you know.
Anyway, the PMAs are hilarious-- it's always interesting to see what's made it onto Marquardo's list this time around. Look deep into the man's delusional stabs at relevance and see if you can figure out why he chose what he did!
Everyone's eligible for a one-size-fits-all feel-good award! Because you're from Portland and just that somehow justifies putting on an awards show. Good job everybody! You're still relevant and everybody sorta remembers you. Don't forget to prop up the hulking, creepy mega-ego that made all this possible. He's such an asset to the community, you know.
8
I'm sayin' it: I was wondering why you weren't making fun of this a week ago:
http://pleasestopticklingme.blogspot.com/2…
and spend a little time getting to know Craig Marquado while you're at it:
http://pleasestopticklingme.blogspot.com/2…
http://pleasestopticklingme.blogspot.com/2…
and spend a little time getting to know Craig Marquado while you're at it:
http://pleasestopticklingme.blogspot.com/2…
9
But putting 5 Guys Named Moe (a local band that typically plays fundraising events for nonprofits), Keegan Smith (white-guy funky bar band; looked 'em up), and Modest Mouse in the same category shows an appalling lack of knowledge about local music. Ezra's right. It's a total embarrassment.
10
putting dissimilar artists in the same category-- equalizing them, you might say-- is a way to put himself on that same level.
11
""Chops" are fucking boring."
To you. But, I'm talking about actually knowing how to play vs just picking up an instrument at Trade Up two weeks ago and gigging. I'm not trying to judge other folks' artistry but as a musician, I see an appauling lack of musicianship here.
Perhaps the PMAs is douchebaggery of the highest order. But, it doesn't help that so much of the scene is putting style over substance. We all know awards are generally meaningless. But, this event *could* be a coming together of PDX musicians of all stripes if people are willing to put aside their pretentiousness for a second. I suppose it's back to "you suck", "no, you suck". Oh well...
To you. But, I'm talking about actually knowing how to play vs just picking up an instrument at Trade Up two weeks ago and gigging. I'm not trying to judge other folks' artistry but as a musician, I see an appauling lack of musicianship here.
Perhaps the PMAs is douchebaggery of the highest order. But, it doesn't help that so much of the scene is putting style over substance. We all know awards are generally meaningless. But, this event *could* be a coming together of PDX musicians of all stripes if people are willing to put aside their pretentiousness for a second. I suppose it's back to "you suck", "no, you suck". Oh well...
12
I would pay good money to see this if it was Stephen Baldwin hosting. He's the "Xtian" one right? I would pay money to see him and pelt him with batteries. Then I would ask him to sign my copy of Bio Dome.
13
SPK: just because you can play an instrument well doesn't mean you're doing anything interesting with it. There you have it!
14
Oh relax. Cool Nutz, 3 Leg...this is good stuff. Nobody takes the awards that seriously. It's just an opportunity to get drunk and be around each other (and fatty baldwin).
15
To add my 2 cents. I was there last year. I saw it all. I saw the guy from channel 12 fall off the stage, and guys, it was horrible. People were roped into giving out awards completely based on the name of the show, and assuming they were on the outside and believing that this was a popular event.
Look I've never met the guy hosting it, don't know who he is, but from just being there my impression was that it was a vanity event for him. Look the idea is okay, I can understand that perhaps I don't go out to enough local shows to know the scene perfectly. And judging from the other people there, its always good to do local promotion. BUT HOLY FUCKING CHRIST. Okay so everything's going along (I don't remember the quote about elliot smith, but the woman who took the award was clearly a close friend, so if that happened that would be messed up) and people are getting awards, all right pretty hokey but what did I expect its an awards show right? And then the fucking ending where I shit you not, the guy in charge gets up and starts singing a Killers song, and tries to get everyone else to join in. What the flying fuck?
And as my friend and I sit there, the horror of what is going on washes over us. I mean you have never seen anything like this. It wasn't the it was an older song, had nothing to do with Portland, the horrible singing, the fact that this man clearly thought he was the show, the horror from the artists as they realized the worth of the paper-weights they had been given hours or minutes earlier, or their subsequent nervous glances towards the exit, it was the extreme bastardization of the scene, and the horror that we had helped take part in it.
Please for the love of god, don't go to this.
Look I've never met the guy hosting it, don't know who he is, but from just being there my impression was that it was a vanity event for him. Look the idea is okay, I can understand that perhaps I don't go out to enough local shows to know the scene perfectly. And judging from the other people there, its always good to do local promotion. BUT HOLY FUCKING CHRIST. Okay so everything's going along (I don't remember the quote about elliot smith, but the woman who took the award was clearly a close friend, so if that happened that would be messed up) and people are getting awards, all right pretty hokey but what did I expect its an awards show right? And then the fucking ending where I shit you not, the guy in charge gets up and starts singing a Killers song, and tries to get everyone else to join in. What the flying fuck?
And as my friend and I sit there, the horror of what is going on washes over us. I mean you have never seen anything like this. It wasn't the it was an older song, had nothing to do with Portland, the horrible singing, the fact that this man clearly thought he was the show, the horror from the artists as they realized the worth of the paper-weights they had been given hours or minutes earlier, or their subsequent nervous glances towards the exit, it was the extreme bastardization of the scene, and the horror that we had helped take part in it.
Please for the love of god, don't go to this.
16
"SPK: just because you can play an instrument well doesn't mean you're doing anything interesting with it. There you have it!"
You know what? You're right. The world is chock full of virtuosos that no one wants to listen to.
I know this rarely happens on the intertubes but you've influenced my perspective.
You know what? You're right. The world is chock full of virtuosos that no one wants to listen to.
I know this rarely happens on the intertubes but you've influenced my perspective.
17
Well, I think that more to the point, virtuosity for its own sake isn't necessarily appealing. If being technically proficient were the be all and end all of talent, we'd all be listening to Joe Satriani and Steve Vai right now.
(Apologies in advance to all the Joe and Steve fans on this board. No disrespect.)
(Apologies in advance to all the Joe and Steve fans on this board. No disrespect.)
18
Say what you like about him, but he's a Baldwin. This show is going to be a success. It shouldn't be, but it is. And people will eventually have to follow along.
19
@SPK
"But, it doesn't help that so much of the scene is putting style over substance. "
You're right--and does this surprise you at all? Maybe Ned was being ironic in a later post, but Frightened Rabbits an amazing band? To each his own, I guess.. Good maybe, but come on!
"But, it doesn't help that so much of the scene is putting style over substance. "
You're right--and does this surprise you at all? Maybe Ned was being ironic in a later post, but Frightened Rabbits an amazing band? To each his own, I guess.. Good maybe, but come on!
20
Everyone just needs to calm the F. down. Who cares? Really. It is what it is. If a few folks get some awards - then so be it. Why do all the writers need to dedicate so much ink to this. Just let it go. Christ. Just sit back, enjoy a beer and listen to little 3 Leg torso and be thankful you live in Portland, Oregon. The best town you could ever want to live in for music. Quit your griping.
21
So is anyone actually following the show?
KBOO is broadcasting it for some god unknown reason, and a bunch of us are standing around the station talking about just how big a train wreck it is.
Daniel giving a shout out to Will-ah-met Week is the highlight for me, so far.
KBOO is broadcasting it for some god unknown reason, and a bunch of us are standing around the station talking about just how big a train wreck it is.
Daniel giving a shout out to Will-ah-met Week is the highlight for me, so far.
22
PMA's totally sucked... but HolliePollock kicked ass! I have never heard of them before, they rock. Check them out online! www.holliepollock.com
23
So, I attended the PMA's tonight with my galpals. Thought it was kinda lame, but walked away from the crystal BLOWN AWAY by Holliepollock. Check them out before they blow up like Wilco.
24
OMG! Didn't you know that Craig Marquardo has excelled in everything he's ever done ever?? And Daniel Baldwin in portland??? OMG a Baldwin??? Has Voodoo donuts done a photo op yet? Where's KATU when you need them? (symbol of 'wanking off' applied to this post just in case you didn't catch it)
26
Yeah...
Was doing the radio show following KBOO's simulcast of it, thinking I will have no listeners...
You know it's bad when everyone down at the station is shaking their head with amazement at what a shambolic clusterfuck it was. It was like listening to a twenty car pile up on the expressway, stretched over a leisurely three hours.
Was doing the radio show following KBOO's simulcast of it, thinking I will have no listeners...
You know it's bad when everyone down at the station is shaking their head with amazement at what a shambolic clusterfuck it was. It was like listening to a twenty car pile up on the expressway, stretched over a leisurely three hours.
27
Truth is it was hokey. a little unorganized. low budget. BUT they put it together and this town always likes to be critical but come up with no solution. build a better fucking show then. This town is full of big talkers who dont do shit. I dont know the guy who put this together he or she might be a complete tool but they did something. it is a shame we cant do better but the truth is everytime someone wants to make this a better town no one supports them and they fail.
whatever....
BST
whatever....
BST
28
This guy Marquardo put the show together, but the problem is that he put it together under false pretenses. From everything I've heard from people in the biz who have encountered this guy over the years (and from what I have read), he's a world-class fraud. I've not read one thing that has anything good to say about him. I'm rather surprised that he hasn't been ridden out of town on a rail.
Not only did he continue to advertise that Meredith Brooks was going to be there AFTER he knew she refused to appear, he also advertised on TV that The Kingsmen were going to be a featured act as well, up to a couple days before the event, yet he never bothered to actually initiate contact or book them. He was asked many times to change or remove that advertisement.
It's fine if someone wants to do a "hokey" award show for our music community, but if it comes at the expense of alienating and cheating some of the artists that helped create the local music scene, then the integrity of the awards show itself must be called into question.
I hope that people who attended had a good time and heard good music, but if anyone went with the intention of hearing Meredith Brooks or The Kingsmen, I hope they demand their money back.
Not only did he continue to advertise that Meredith Brooks was going to be there AFTER he knew she refused to appear, he also advertised on TV that The Kingsmen were going to be a featured act as well, up to a couple days before the event, yet he never bothered to actually initiate contact or book them. He was asked many times to change or remove that advertisement.
It's fine if someone wants to do a "hokey" award show for our music community, but if it comes at the expense of alienating and cheating some of the artists that helped create the local music scene, then the integrity of the awards show itself must be called into question.
I hope that people who attended had a good time and heard good music, but if anyone went with the intention of hearing Meredith Brooks or The Kingsmen, I hope they demand their money back.
29
I got the vibe that most the people in attendance were there to truly celebrate Portland music and be supportive to each other and the music community. Yes, Craig is an egomaniac and profiteer. However, when the Mercury does a piece like this where it calls into question not just the founder's motives or possible harm he may be doing to artists but also throws the artists under the bus--calling some of them "crappy bands no one cares about" etc, it only validates the perception that you are 'Indie Rock Hipster snobs'.
I think the fact that this event is still going highlights that there is market for something like it. Now if only someone that wasn't a deushbag would step up and organize something similiar then we could all move on and stop throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
I think the fact that this event is still going highlights that there is market for something like it. Now if only someone that wasn't a deushbag would step up and organize something similiar then we could all move on and stop throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
30
I was one of the nominees at the PMA's this year. I work hard to write music, promote my songs / show / albums, and I'm damn proud to be on the list. I realize that a lot of people want to bash Craig, and I get that his background lends itself to that, but at the same time, he is promoting Portland music, and bringing exposure to bands that might not otherwise get any.
31
Everybody here who doesn't play in a Pdx band, please take a moment and go fuck yourselves. Here's something to consider. Hipsters don't pay to see live music. All of you have a friend who works the door or sneak in the back or only go to $5 or less shows in between sessions of blogging complaints about this city on the portlandmercury.com. It doesn't pay dick to be a working musician in this city. And if, God forbid, there's an event to pay a little superficial appreciation to the people who still work their asses off to entertain a bunch of elitist cheapskate wannabes, you boycott the event instead of fixing it. If you wanted the PMA's to be more than an underattended gathering of people who are actually willing to pay the gargantuan sum of $25 for ANYTHING, you'd come and show some support so that next year it draws some attention and funding.
32
If you want to find out more about the Portland music scene that spans multiple genres and has no axe to grind and no hipster sensibilities, then you need to check out Oregon Music News.com. There is regular daily content, interviews and reviews of shows in various parts of the state. People like them and they get some great interviews like from Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull to the sound guy at the Schnitzer. They are all over the jazz, blues, classical and DJ/electronic scenes, among many others.
33
Myotis, Duh. What exact music scene are you talking about that pays well? Austin? LA? Sacramento? Seattle? Because I can tell you, getting into the music business does not pay well. If you wanted to make money, Music is probably not for you.
Besides that, do you know how many bands there are in Portland, and how many are worth seeing? People do spend money to see bands they like, but not $25. This isn't about hipsters not wanting to spend money; 25 bucks is a lot to see a show and its got be a goddamned good show for it to be worth it.
You act like people owe it to you, you're out here putting on a show and not making money, and that's supposed to be "the hipsters" fault? Its a meritocracy man, build it and they will come.
By the way, did the people playing get a cut of the door? I'm honestly curious if the artists made money by performing at this. I would really hope so.
Besides that, do you know how many bands there are in Portland, and how many are worth seeing? People do spend money to see bands they like, but not $25. This isn't about hipsters not wanting to spend money; 25 bucks is a lot to see a show and its got be a goddamned good show for it to be worth it.
You act like people owe it to you, you're out here putting on a show and not making money, and that's supposed to be "the hipsters" fault? Its a meritocracy man, build it and they will come.
By the way, did the people playing get a cut of the door? I'm honestly curious if the artists made money by performing at this. I would really hope so.
34
I was at the PMA's working the merchandise tables. People seemed to be enjoying themselves. Like someone said earlier... just a chance to go out, dress up, drink and have fun. I'm not entirely sure when that became such a crime. Also... one should never point out a fault or problem unless they have a solution. Organize something better or just leave it be and let people have fun... fun suckerrrrrs.
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