This Week in the Mercury
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Games PlayStation Network Melts; Fix Coming Soon, Says Sony
Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Sun, Feb 28, 2010 at 8:17 PM
No PlayStation 3 owners, your console is not borked.
- Sony
- Not borked, says Sony
Instead, it seems that Sony's online network is having a meltdown, leaving millions of anxious Sony fans with no recourse but to bitch endlessly on the vast plains of god's green Internet.
Sony has yet to acknowledge an official cause for the network outage, but has confirmed that it is occurring globally and that it affects certain games much more drastically than others.
Perhaps hardest hit in this fiasco is Mercury favorite Demon's Souls, whose inventive online connectivity won it rave reviews. Sadly, with no network to connect to, both the game's online component and its offline gameplay (which uses the network to add more items of interest to the game world) are inaccessible to gamers.
I'll update this thing as soon as Sony has an official statement on offer instead of typically corporate, vague, canned responses like their current "we're working on a fix to this mystery problem which should be available soon."
Until then, I'd recommend taking a walk in the refreshing night air. Even if you get mugged, at least you won't have to wait until the PlayStation Network comes back online to find out if you've also been stabbed to death.
Update: For reasons that seem to baffle even Sony, it now seems that the newer, "slim" PlayStation 3 models are once again able to connect to the PlayStation Network.
Update #2: The PlayStation Network is now fixed. No word on what caused the issue, so we're going to assume someone at Sony has been fired for incompetence.
SEX Olympic Condom Shortage
Posted by Andrew R Tonry on Sun, Feb 28, 2010 at 7:17 PM
It's been well documented that once Olympic athletes complete their events it's time to fuck. But wait! There's a condom shortage in Vancouver! Apparently supplies are running perilously low:
Health officials in Vancouver have already provided 100,000 free condoms to the roughly 7,000 athletes and officials at the Games. That's about 14 condoms per person. But as of Wednesday, those supplies started running dangerously low.
And why not? Everyone's fit, international, and figure never to see one another again (translation: nail a curler, tell your friends it was a figure skater). Unfortunately, there's been no word yet if the rubbers handed out in Vancouver were commemorative, as they have been in years past:
The first major effort at condom giveaways was at the Barcelona Games in 1992, and it was a huge success. The shields were emblazoned with the colorful Olympic rings, apparently a mood enhancer (or a cool souvenir).In 1996, Atlanta's organizers pushed five-packs, with one 'prophy' in each official Olympic color.
In 2000, the colors were gold, silver, and bronze.
Those are some pretty cool jimmys (except who wants to be the reciever of the "Bronze?"). None, however, were as awesome as the "Osama Bin Condom" we got some years back at the Acropolis. The slogan read: "For real pricks," and as such, the spermicidal tip was a clearly cut hole. We gave it to our friend for his birthday and the dumb-ass tried to use it on a girl who wouldn't do him unless he wrapped it up. Rest-assured, she noticed the hole, and he was promptly denied—a waste of the greatest piece of 00's memorabilia EVER.
And just in case you were wondering about Olympians in bed:
...courtesy of Men's Journal, which conducted a survey of sorts: Swimmers do it longer; the French do it most often (but only with compatriots).In Sydney, the Cubans ... well, they ran through their ration faster than any other nation.
I guess I speak for everyone in hoping that babies resulting from the condom shortage are born to parents whose nations have heath care! And as Tracy Morgan told Jon Stewart the other night, "I'm old school Jon—I don't pull out!"
News Good Morning, News!!
Posted by Stefan Kamph on Sun, Feb 28, 2010 at 9:37 AM
Chile's president declares a "state of catastrophe" after yesterday's 8.8 magnitude earthquake. Two million people have been displaced and at least 300 killed.
Meanwhile, the quake's aftershock didn't pummel Hawaii and the Pacific Rim (including us) with tsunamis yesterday, as forecasted.
...but storms and 87 mph winds (whoa!) have killed at least 45 people in western Europe.
In France, the key leader of Basque separatist group ETA has been arrested in France. He was identified as Ibon Gogeascotxea, to which authorities said, "gezundheit."
More civilian deaths in southern Afghanistan, this time from a roadside bomb.
The Olympics (YAWN) are finally ending (what, they started?!). The US and Canada are hauling home lots of medals: 13 gold medals for Canada (matching the record thanks to a curling win over Norway), 37 medals total for US. Go US!
Poor David Paterson. He's "damaged and distracted," legally blind, and the governor of New York. Yesterday a panel of Democrats convened to figure out whether he's competent enough to govern. Why can't people do this in Washington, DC?
Dear everybody in Portland: here's some more guilt for you to have! Some kids made your laptop. Apple investigates.
The president of Toyota is going to China. What, we're not the only ones who get to publicly shame him?
- FOR THE WIN, EH?
Geek / Events / Games
Today April 18, Ground Kontrol, Pinbrawl 2010!
Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Sun, Feb 28, 2010 at 3:23 AM
- Ground Kontrol
Update (because I'm an idiot): Everything I said about Pinbrawl 2010 below still applies — in particular the words from the press release — only instead of occuring today, Pinbrawl 2010 goes down on April 18. Consider me blushing and kicking myself while branding the contents of a 2010 day calendar into my back. Sorry for the confusion.
Sunday has always been the lamest day of the week. Even the crazy, vengeful, Batman-on-meth God of the Old Testament knew no one could get shit done on a Sunday. Thus he deemed it "Sabbath," which roughly translates to "take a nap sinner."
Since neither you nor Yahweh has anything going on today, why don't you head down to Ground Kontrol for Pinbrawl 2010? Here's the official details, verbatim from GK manager Art Santana:
On Sunday, April 18th, the finest pinball players in the Pacific Northwest will once again gather in historic Old Town for Portland Pinbrawl 2010, Ground Kontrol's second annual pinball tournament. Join your fellow Portland ‘ballers to battle the best of the Northwest for the grand prize: a full-sized Williams’ “Johnny Mnemonic” pinball machine. Ground Kontrol will extend its beer and wine serving hours to cover the entire day of the tournament.Ground Kontrol’s inaugural Portland Pinbrawl tournament in April 2009 drew over 120 players, some traveling from as far as Canada to compete. A packed house is expected for Portland Pinbrawl 2010, and registration is capped at 128 players.
Portland Pinbrawl 2010 will also feature “side stage” tournaments with highly challenging rules including one-handed play, and “split flipper” play — where 2 players each control one side of the pinball playfield!
Competition signup fee is $20 per person; spectators get in for free. Doors open at 10:00am, Sunday April 18th, and onsite registration closes at 10:45am. Admission is limited to 21 and over with valid ID for competitors and spectators alike.
Personally, I'm all kinds of ass at pinball. I get the gist of the game, I can catch, tilt and occasionally make the ball stick to a flipper, but I've never once managed to get my name even close to a high score table at Ground Kontrol. Do I blame myself? Hell no! I blame the insanely talented pinball players who spend hours at Portland's hippest arcade, honing their inhuman skills.
I won't be entering — I've got a fragile ego to protect — but I urge anyone with real pinball skills to drop the $20 entry fee on this thing. With Canada kicking our ass in the Olympic race for most gold medals, Pinbrawl 2010 might be our only opportunity to show those eerily polite Canuckistani bastards what a real American pinball wizard can do.
(Read: Drink too much, angrily remind them that Canadian Bacon is the worst kind of bacon, then puke on their shoes.)
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Saturday, February 27, 2010
Events It's Happening Tonight!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Sat, Feb 27, 2010 at 1:04 PM
DRUM EATER—Under the equipment-chomping moniker Boy Eats Drum Machine, Jon Ragel plays the role of a spastic one-man band, equal parts giddy rock frontman and scratch-happy DJ. His latest, Hoop + Wire neatly balances his charming exuberance with an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink approach to musical composition. EAC
w/Finn Riggins, Brothers Young; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $8-10CHOWDA—You can't lose with clam chowder and beer. So when area pubs compete for chowder supremacy at Lompoc's Chowder Challenge, everyone's a winner. Part of the Fifth Quadrant's brand-new Seafoodpalooza. PAC
Fifth Quadrant, 3901-B N Williams, noon-6 pm, FREE ($10 to taste), all ages
Get busy, ya'll! My, What a Busy Week!
News / Schools BREAKING: Portland Public Schools Reveals Terms of Teachers' Contract, Votes to Ratify
Posted by Stefan Kamph on Sat, Feb 27, 2010 at 11:02 AM
Highlights of how some key disputes were resolved are after the jump.
After more than 19 months without a deal, Portland Public Schools (PPS) and its teachers' union, the Portland Association of Teachers (PAT), appear set to agree have agreed on a contract that covers last year, this year and the next.
The school board met this morning at 10:30 for a closed-door executive session at PPS headquarters. At 11:00, they began a public meeting to vote to ratify the tentative agreement. They voted "yes" unanimously at 11:16 am.
"I do feel like we found common ground," says PPS Superintendent Carole Smith. "I feel good about where we are... in this economy it was a hard sweet spot to find," she says.
The PAT ratified the contract yesterday, February 26. A majority of teachers in the district voted to accept the deal.
"We hope the Portland Public School Board ratifies this agreement," wrote PAT President Rebecca Levison in a statement.
Carole Smith and her chief of staff Zeke Smith (no relation) arrived together at the PPS offices this morning, and talked privately in their car for about twenty minutes before entering the building.
Directors Dilafruz Williams (just back from India), Martín González, Trudy Sargent, Ruth Adkins, and David Wynde were present for the vote. Pam Knowles and Bobbie Regan were away, and joined by teleconference. Regan asked if the board could "just vote yes" before deliberation, but Chief Legal Counsel Jollee Patterson said that wasn't possible.
"It took a longer time for us to reach a resolution than any of us wanted to take," said Sargent, referring to the year and a half of lurching negotiations.
When the parties gave each other their final offers two weeks ago, there were still some disagreements.
After the jump: some of the major issues, and how they were resolved in the tentative agreement.
Misc Tsunami Advisory Issued for Oregon Coast
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Sat, Feb 27, 2010 at 8:23 AM
A huge earthquake (8.8 magnitude) rocked Chile this morning, resulting in a tsunami that is threatening the entire Pacific rim including the Oregon coast. From the O:
Experts warned that a tsunami could strike anywhere in the Pacific, and Hawaii could face its largest waves since 1964 starting at 11:19 a.m. (4:19 p.m. EST, 2119 GMT), according to Charles McCreery, director of the Pacific Tsunami Warning Center.Tsunami waves were likely to hit Asian, Australian and New Zealand shores within 24 hours of the earthquake. The U.S. West Coast and Alaska, too, were threatened.
From the AP:
A tsunami warning — the highest alert level — was issued for Hawaii, where emergency officials planned to wake residents with sirens alerting them to the impending waves. Even before daybreak, lines formed at supermarkets with residents stocking up on water, canned food and batteries. Cars lined up 15 deep at several gas stations.The first waves were expected at 11:19 a.m. Saturday (4:19 p.m. EST). Most Pacific Rim nations, awaiting further data, did not order evacuations but advised people in low-lying areas to be on the lookout.
Ecuadorean President Rafael Correa told the Ecuavisa channel that a tsunami has passed the Galapagos Islands, causing a swell but no damage.
Unlike other tsunamis in recent years, emergency officials along the Pacific have hours to prepare and possibly evacuate residents.
More on the American relief effort to Chile here. Careful if you go to the coast today!
TV Saturday Morning Cartoon: Birdman!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Sat, Feb 27, 2010 at 8:06 AM
Good morning! In this episode of Saturday Morning Cartoon, let's look at one of my favorite and most bird-tarded cartoons ever, Hannah-Barbera's BIRDMAN. Seriously, this guy is the most ridiculous hero ever, and that's saying a lot. The Birdman character was later lampooned in Adult Swim's Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law and is pretty obviously one of the inspirations for SNL's Ambiguously Gay Duo (this is especially true if you've ever seen any Birdman episodes featuring his "ward" Birdboy). Speaking of ambiguously gay, check out this episode that revolves around three evil masterminds who can't seem to defeat Birdman on their own, so they put on matching fuschia outfits and construct some of the stupidest inventions ever to take Birdman down. Luckily for our villains Birdman… is … too… stupid… to … figure… out... how… to... stop… them! DYING!! (Good thing his falcon Avenger puts up with his bullshit.)
Enjoy Birdman in 1967's "The Deadly Trio."
Friday, February 26, 2010
Film This Week's Mercury Film Section.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 5:38 PM
- I love you Tracy Morgan.
In this week's exhilarating Mercury Film section, you will find:
A Couple of Dicks Cop Out: For the first time, Kevin Smith directs a movie he didn't write. If Clerks II was Smith's redux of the '90s indie comedy he helped pioneer, Cop Out is his take on the '80s buddy cop flick. I enjoyed it well enough, but you might want to think twice about going unless you're a hardcore Smith fan or can quote from Lethal Weapon and/or Beverly Hills Cop.
The Crazies: George Romero's '70s horror flick gets remade with that goofy guy from Deadwood and Hitman and Live Free or Die Hard. Courtney says it's pretty good, and I've heard from a few other people that it's damn scary.
Saint John of Las Vegas: In which Steve Buscemi plays Dante Alighieri! In Las Vegas! Also, Sarah Silverman is involved somehow. And there is a 1970 Buick Wildcat. Ned says it's alright.
The White Ribbon: Need a good date flick for the weekend? Um, The White Ribbon probably isn't it. Funny Games director Michael Haneke's latest is a predictably terrifying-sounding drama that Marjorie calls "a smoldering and horrifying masterpiece."
Meanwhile, PIFF finishes up and the Cascade Festival of African Films continues (more info on both of those can be found in our Film Shorts); the must-see-WTF-awesome House plays for a few days at Cinema 21; Barbarella's at the Bagdad; and Slither is at the Fifth Avenue. Slither's pretty fun:
More, as ever, in our Film Shorts; Movie Times are here.
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Music Time is Running Out: Vote for the All-Ages Movement
Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 3:00 PM
By now we assume you know all about the All-Age Movement attempting to win $50,000 in grants from those high fructose corn syrup pushers at Pepsi. As part of their "Good Idea" project, Pepsi will give grants to the top ten ideas—as voted by readers—which was all well and good until the All-Age Movement was pushed out of the top tier by a plan to... "bring attention to the tragedy of college student suicide." Oh. Okay, fine, so it's not exactly a mustache twirling villain, but since the 11th place idea wins nothing but a case of Crystal Pepsi*, now is the time to make your voice heard as a music lover. Plus some of the other top ten ideas include less noble plans, such as "Build a High Ropes Course" at a YMCA in Duluth—so please don't think a vote for all-age music is a vote for suicide.
The contest ends this Sunday at 6am 9pm, so vote now.
(Yes, I know it's not ideal to approach Pepsi with hands out—and yes, it really would be "a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber"—but just stop complaining and go vote.)
* Not true.
End Hits: Kids in Duluth can buy their own damn ropes.
Comic Books TFAW Food Drive
Posted by Alison Hallett on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 2:59 PM
Hate hunger? Love comic books? Drop off a non-perishable food donation at any Portland Things from Another World location, get a raffle ticket that could win you a $500 TFAW gift certificate. More details here!
Also: Go read this.
Events It's Happening Tonight!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 2:43 PM
FOTH—Everyone's favorite hipster soap opera returns for a sixth season of roommate drama, romantic anxiety, and low-level substance abuse. Basically, Fall of the House is like your life, only funnier, and you don't have to deal with the consequences. The season starts tonight and unfolds episodically over the next month, so now's the time to get on board. AH
Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Fri-Sat 10:30 pm, Sun 8 pm, $12, through March 21, actionadventure.org
PASSPORT—After taking listeners by surprise with a strong and assured debut, Foreign Born returned with an even better second album, the marvelous Person to Person. The LA band's globe-trekking pop anthems are expertly crafted, with rich arrangements that take you across the border to distant, exotic lands. NL
w/Free Energy, Yeah Great Fine; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $10-12
Busier than a beaver with bees in its mouth. My, What a Busy Week!
Books / Drunk Reading Rainbow Reads Lolita
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 2:23 PM
If you were anything like me growing up, you thought books were for jive talkin' turkeys with a ruler stuck up their ass. HA! Well, the irony is now I presumably read for a living—and by "presumably" I mean you presume I read what goes into the Mercury and this blog every week when in reality I don't and could give two shits.
Hmmm... where was I? OH YEAH! Anyway, when I was a kid I would occasionally watch Reading Rainbow, which almost inspired me to give reading a try, but didn't because all the books they recommended were jive-ass bitches. But if Reading Rainbow was anything like the following video? I'd be readin' all up in that shit.
Reading Rainbow does Mein Kampf after the jump.
News / Cops / Courts BREAKING: Officer Humphreys Vs. Beanbag Girl In Court
Posted by Matt Davis on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 1:58 PM
Officer Christopher Humphreys and Officer Aaron Dauchy are both expected to be called to the stand this afternoon to testify against the 12-year-old girl whom Officer Humphreys shot with a beanbag shotgun late last year. Humphreys was suspended over the incident, prompting 650 police union members to rally in his defense, wearing t-shirts reading "I am Chris Humphreys." Humphreys was subsequently reinstated, but claimed job stress and as far as we know has been off work on a disability claim ever since.
- OFFICER AARON DAUCHY, CENTER, AND OFFICER CHRISTOPHER HUMPHREYS (RIGHT) OUTSIDE THE COURTROOM THIS AFTERNOON
Deputy District Attorney Michael Reidel opened the case against the girl in juvenile court this morning. She is being charged with assaulting a public safety officer, resisting arrest, and interfering with public transportation.
"We are all here today because of her aggressive actions. Her violence," he said. "This case is about one thing, it's about [name redacted—juvenile] attacking officer Aaron Dauchy. This case is not complicated, it's common sense. She attacked Aaron Dauchy, and it's on video. It's also important that we discuss what this case is not about: It's not about a beanbag. It's not about other officers. It's not about ad-hoc opinions and monday morning quarterbacking. It's about an attack on Officer Dauchy for doing his job up close, in person, in real life, in real time, caught on video."
"On Nov.14th, 12 year old [name redacted—juvenile] was just trying to get home," said Stephen West, the attorney opening the case for the defense. "Eventually she did get home that night, but not before suffering injuries including being shot by a beanbag shotgun. The officer had multiple choices, multiple options, but he chose to pull her off the train even though she was sitting peacefully and quietly, and then escalated the situation from there on."
"It did all happen very quickly," West continued. "But what's most important is this involved a 12-year-old girl with mental health issues as her mother will testify, and a girl that both of these officers knew in advance was a 12-year-old girl. They knew they were dealing with a 12-year-old-girl. I believe the evidence will show that the struggle only started after Officer Dauchy escalated the situation by grabbing her hair. That he was pulling her arms back up, she reacted to the pain, said don't touch me like that, the ofc'er then said "eff you," i'll just use the letter 'f' there. And the video only shows [name redacted] doing a very slight turn with the upper half of her body, not pulling away as Officer Dauchy will claim."
West said there were "numerous contradictions and inconsistencies between the officers' report and what the video recorded." He said the state could not meet its burden to prove the charges beyond a reasonable doubt.
Updates coming. The case has been going on all morning in room 356 at the Multnomah County Courthouse. No cameras are allowed in the courtroom because it's a juvenile case, but reporters from the Oregonian and Mercury have both been documenting the proceedings.
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Transportation Young Woman Dies on TriMet Tracks
Posted by Sarah Mirk on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 1:56 PM
A west-bound Blue Line MAX struck and killed a pedestrian this morning at around 10:30 AM, just outside the Baseline station. This is the 26th death-by-MAX to occur in Portland since the first light rail line opened in 1986. Two of those deaths were ruled suicides, but this one, at least initially, appears the be an accident.
TriMet spokeswoman Mary Fetsch says there is nothing known about the victim yet except that she was a 20-something woman. She was walking on the sidewalk with her head down, then walked into the crosswalk and was struck by the train. “The crossing gates were down and there were audible warnings,” says Fetsch. “We’re not sure why she had her head down, or whether she was wearing headphones or texting or anything like that.” TriMet is investigating.
Hillsboro Argus reporter Nick Christensen rides commutes on the MAX three hours a day from Lents to Hillsboro. He was on the train which struck the pedestrian and recalled the accident:
You could feel, it was definitely a hard, hard braking. It wasn’t jarring, but you could tell they were slamming on the brakes. We could see people standing at the Baseline station with shocked looks and the operator came on and told us we would be there for a while. You could tell what was going on. The folks who were on the train, it wasn’t somber, just quiet. I’m glad that I couldn’t see anything really and I feel terrible for the driver.
Check out Christensen's whole article on being a witness to the incident next week in the Argus.
Books Portland's Own
Posted by Jacob Schraer on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 1:51 PM
•If you missed Think Out Loud yesterday you missed blogger and Portland Mortified reader Sarah Hoopes and Kevin Sampsell, author of the new memoir A Common Pornography, sharing their thoughts on exposure in our modern age. Exposure, that is, of the type of horrifying personal secrets that families used to spend generations covering up and forgetting in books and the internet. Don't worry, you can listen to it online here.
•I attended the Loggernaut reading series Wednesday night at Urban Grind Coffeehouse. The series has been going on for five years and they'll be celebrating their anniversary at their next event. Wednesday's reading was based around the theme "patient." The guests tackled it as a virtue and a state of being, literally being a patient in two cases.
Dao Strom shared excerpts from her upcoming book which consisted mainly of meditations on Vietnam, her home country. She carefully read poetic, well rendered pieces on the country and the war memorial in DC. Jennifer Richter treated us to poems reflecting on the patience of motherhood and enduring a long term, ambiguous illness. She wasn't bad but when you have to explain the subject of every poem you share you're either very nervous or there's something wrong with the poem. Finally, Keith Scribner shared a chapter of his current project chronicling a perfume artisan losing her sense of smell. He gave a lively reading, and the subject matter was tender and quietly tragic. Wondering how it's going to fit into a longer piece.
Mercury Today's Burning Questionland Question!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 12:59 PM
QUESTIONLAND!! A nice place to learn and play.
Neighborhoods What's That Buzzing Sound?
Posted by Stefan Kamph on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 12:48 PM
Now that Clear is rapidly pursuing its dream to bring plodding, intermittent wireless internet into thousands of Portland homes, its transmission equipment is popping up across the city. Not everyone's happy about the idea.
- Or, "NIMBY" for short.
Now neighbors around the site are putting up signs on their lawns, like the one pictured here.
Health risks from radiation aren't the only concern: the Beaumont-Wilshire neighbors say city code requires the company to look for less populated sites first, and that the equipment makes too much noise.
Clear wants to mount its antenna on an existing utility pole outside the Wilshire Market. It previously wanted to put it in a school, but Portland Public schools agreed to stop installing antennas on its property after a public outcry over health concerns last year.
Last spring, the City of Portland, led by Amanda Fritz, asked the Federal government to do more studies on the effects of wireless signals on public health.
Speaking of antennas and schools, a couple weeks ago Jack Bog's blog pointed out this little farce out in Gresham. Log on, kids!
Drugs / Events A Time for Whiskey, a Time for Amphetamines
Posted by Ali "the Intern" Reingold on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 12:30 PM
That's right, folks, it's Johnny Cash's birthday! Which means, of course, we all need to have Johnny Cash-themed parties, experience drug and alcohol induced bouts of hysteria/rage/dissipation, and then bounce back with healthy, reformed, spiritually awakened attitudes to conclude the evening. My friends and I hosted one of these parties in college with great success, so I can help you out with the details:
1. Whiskey. I hardly think I need to elaborate.
2. Dress. Party goers should be encouraged to dress as the Man in Black, or as June Carter.
3. Pre-gaming. Ring of Fire (aka King's Cup) is an excellent way to get the drunken ball rolling.
4. Name tags. At our college party we assigned everyone names like "Big Titty Huckabee" and "Bubba Lou Steamtank." Needless to say, it was one of the better ideas we've had.
5. Whiskey.
6. Amphetamines. Or tic tacs, if you prefer to be LAME (like me).
7. Prison. Just wouldn't be right if at least someone didn't end up in the slammer. Do what you can to ensure this happens.
8. Low talkin'. Everyone must talk real low and real slow. I got a kick out of it for like three hours the last time.... not sure it went over as well among the other guests. But just trust me - it's great.
9. Whiskey.
And there you have it. You're all set for a killer tribute to the greatest man of all time. Consider this a primer for Cash'd Out, the Cash tribute band that'll be coming to Dante's on May 8. Or if you can't wait that long for some live Cash, Counterfeit Cash is a local acoustic tribute band that plays at The Nest (1801 NE Alberta) the first Friday of every month.
We love you, Johnny. Happy birthday.
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Transportation Freeway Fantasy of the Day: Rip I-5 Out of the East Side
Posted by Sarah Mirk on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 12:04 PM
The five ideas for how to re-do the five miles of I-5 the CRC project covers range from interesting to vague, philosophical, architecture-keyword rambling, but the main gist is this: if we're going to be investing $2-3.6 billion in the biggest transportation project in our region's history, we should take the opportunity to do something really innovating that actually reworks major flaws in our transportation system. Not just build a bigger, uglier version of a freeway we already have.
That's why I was really struck by Potestio's idea, sketched at right: we should use the money to downsize our freeway system, rather than expanding it, including removing I-5 from the east bank of the Willamette and building an Eastside Waterfront Park. "With the freeway system downsized, our region can begin the important transition to alternative modes of transportation," writes Potestio.
Sigh. In my dreams.
News The Future of Online Voter Registration Is NOW!
Posted by Jane "the Intern" Carlen on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 11:59 AM
Just nine months after Oregon passed its Online Voter Registration bill, the web-based system is up and (almost) running—it goes live right here Monday morning, March 1st, at 9 am. (The State Elections Division is still working on an icon/link to pass around to other websites.) According to Secretary of State Kate Brown at yesterday morning's infomazing webinar, this makes us the fourth state in the nation to implement online registration. Of several states that passed similar measures in 2009, ours is the first to launch. Brown hopes it will put a major dent in the number of unregistered Oregonians, currently estimated at 600,000, especially in the coveted 18-35 demographic.
- How do I change my party from Republican to Furry?
The content of the online form is basically unchanged, but it's broken up into several screens to make it much easier on the eyes than the cramped paper version. Neo-luddites can also rest easy knowing that people who are already registered with up-to-date information do not need to re-register online, and the paper ballot system is not being phased out. You still have to register by the end of the 21st day before election day. (If you just want to check your registration you can still use this link.)
There are some exciting (yes, exciting!!) features that will improve accuracy and efficiency, both for the registering individual and for county record keepers. But, there are some caveats. Read on to see if you'll actually be eligible to enjoy this delightfully un-innovative technological innovation. (Oh, the suspense! Yes, exciting!!)
Sports Johnny Weir...
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 11:59 AM
...is awesome. The backstory.
Artsy This Week's Mecury Arts Section
Posted by Alison Hallett on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 11:25 AM
I made you an arts section!
VISUAL ART:
Matt Stangel reviews the Portland Art Museum's Disquieted, a group show that really, really wants to freak you out.
BOOKS:
Dave Bow reviews Max Watman's Chasing the White Dog, a book about moonshine that sounds super interesting, but reads like this:
"On top of my newly purchased antique boiler, there was a 3½-inch threaded hole into which screwed a large brass fitting resembling the bell of a rustic, steam-powered trumpet. This cap was topped with a smaller threaded hole. I figured the smaller hole was nominally an inch but it measured more like an inch and an eighth. Perhaps it was therefore nominally an inch and a quarter, since people selling you materials rarely round things down."
THEATER:
I get all gushy about Third Rail's production of American Buffalo.
Jane Carlen does not gush, and in fact exercises a fair amount of restraint, in her review of The Devil and Billy Markham, a show for grownups penned by the great Shel Silverstein.
Side note: I recently asked Twitter if anyone knew where local theater people went to anonymously shit-talk one another, now that Followspot has closed down. Well, I think I found it: dirtybombpdx isn't pulling any punches in their reviews of local productions. (I disagree with the reviewer's assessment of American Buffalo, but I could've written that Rocket Man review myself—I think it's dead on.)
Our theater picks of the weekend: Fall of the House's sixth season opens tonight at Theater! Theatre! American Buffalo and The Receptionist are both worth your time, or you could take a chance on PCS' 39 Steps, a Hitchcock spoof that opens tonight.
Film A New Nightmare
Posted by Courtney Ferguson on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 10:59 AM
Erik just sent me this trailer for the new remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street (out in April). Call me crazy or does this look like it might be good?! Granted there's no Wes Craven and no Robert Englund, but still...
See you in my dreams
Food / Drunk This Week’s Mercury Food Section: Gastro-Dives
Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Fri, Feb 26, 2010 at 10:07 AM
- Slingshot Burger. Yum.
That being said, it’s certainly cleaner and more aesthetically pleasing than most dives. Also, they have a menu that reaches far beyond dive bar food. In that respect the Slingshot comes close to what’s known as a gastro-pub. But I don’t think it’s a gastro-pub. I’d rather call it a gastro-dive. Why? Because I love dive bars and I love good food and I’d like nothing more than to see a gastro-dive trend catch on. If it can happen anywhere in the world, it can happen in Portland.
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