IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY!!! So, which way is he leaning?

MILITARY SCALING BACK DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL!!! Soldiers outed by third parties will no longer face discipline. Wow. PROGRESS.

CHINA OPPOSES OBAMA MEETING WITH DALAI LAMA!!! Fuckers.

RIGHT RALLIES BEHIND ACORN 'PIMP'!!! Classy.

OBAMA'S MAN IN LONDON!!! The President takes heat for rewarding his most vociferous fundraiser with the plumb appointment in England's capital.

CONAN PAYS SEVERANCE FOR OWN CREW!!! Continuing to look like a real asshole, this bloke.

COLLEGE DEGREE=USELESS!!! I know I'm preaching to the choir, here. But still.

DON DELILLO'S NEW NOVEL: SHITE!!! Whereas the others were simply unreadable.

SCIENTOLOGISTS IN HAITI!!! Continue to do a great job of...well, nothing:

I arrived at JFK last week, ready to go.

I knew we were traveling with doctors and EMTs, but I didn't expect to see 50 scientologists, in their yellow shirts with Volunteer Minister on them. They were completely unprepared for going to a third world country, let alone a disaster zone. One girl was in designer cowboy boots. I asked her if she'd brought any sturdier footwear.

"Oh no, these'll be fine."

I asked another guy what he'd packed and he said he hadn't bothered to bring soap or toilet paper or food, but that he'd just "buy whatever I need at Port-au-Prince airport." I couldn't break it to him.

They had no place to stay, and no supplies — their idea was to use the ton of money they had to buy food to distribute when they got there. But there was no food and no water. That was the point.

By the time we arrived in Haiti, after a stopover in Miami, we had missed three landing slots at the airport. Aid agencies — genuine aid agencies — from other countries were being turned away, refused permission to land. But we still got a slot straight away. The guy who ran our charter seemed to think that the Scientologists had some real influence with the US Government, who were assigning the slots.

Good day.