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Monday, February 8, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 8, 2010 at 9:25 AM

The U.S., France, and Russia called for harsher sanctions against Iran after they told the U.N., "Eff YOU, U.N.! We're gonna start enriching uranium as soon as Tuesday!" (Those guys are dicks.)

A Connecticut power plant blows on Sunday; kills five.

Obama plans a half-day bipartisan summit on health care later this month, allowing both sides to air their grievances… and YES! It WILL be televised!

Apparently there was some sort of football game yesterday, and some team named the "Saints" (?) won it.

Sarah Palin says she might run for president—but she'll have to consult the crib notes on her palm first. (Seriously, this shit is Hilarious Clinton!)

Look out, Portland yups! Toyota plans to recall 300,000 Priuses.

Today in EWWW: The frostbitten body of a dead man is found in the wheel well of a Delta airplane.

Being "bored to death" is a real possibility, says researchers. Anyone who would like to test this theory should try watching this video. [The Mercury is not responsible for any death that may incur.]

Happy 100th birthday, Boy Scouts of America! (And thanks for providing me with my first homosexual experience.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Partly sunny today and tomorrow, mostly cloudy through the end of the week. Great biking weather!

And finally, here's a dog that really loves TURKEY CHEESE FRIES! (So much so in fact, he raps about it. Prepare for this song to be stuck in your head for the rest of the day.)

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