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Friday, February 12, 2010

Gossip Confessions of an Ex-New Seasons Staffer

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Fri, Feb 12, 2010 at 1:26 PM

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Say hello to our new blog column detailing the interesting, absurd and juicy experiences of former New Seasons staffers. As perhaps the only grocery store in the entire world that trains its employees to "say yes" to every customer request, the staff behind the counter have seen their fair share of crazy. Every Friday from now until we run out of ex-staffers, Blogtown will host bizarre and 100 percent unsubstantiated stories from staffers who just couldn't say no.

This week's installment: The Nester (as told by anonymous ex-employee Agent Mango).

The store really does create its own community and you see the same people every day. One person I heard about early on was "The Nester." When this little old lady came in, the other workers would be like, “The Nester is here!”

For a while no one knew who was doing it. We’d just find a shopping cart just abandoned somewhere with this really neatly arranged nest of products built in it.

Big stuff would be on the outside, like big bags of chips all around the sides of the cart, and then it would gradate down to smaller stuff in middle, like cookies of boxes stacked on their side. In the center there would be big piece of meat. It was like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. After a while, we finally figured out who it was, but you’d have to catch her doing it and it was impossible. She wouldn't nest every time she came in, so catching her in the act difficult. I don't know if anyone ever did successfully stop her. It was frustrating because when she did build a nest, we'd have to take the cart and take everything back, which takes a long time. I saw her once, I saw her in line for hot food. She was just a little old lady in a pink track suit, one of those old ladies who’s aging really well. She didn’t look like a crazy person, she looked like a soccer grandma. I don’t know what ever happened to her.

If you're a current or former New Seasons staffer with a good story, anonymously email me here.

 

Comments (15) RSS

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1
I often see the same people time and time again at Freddie's and Safeway, but the disappointingly adequate selection of natural / pretentious foods would never prompt me to refer to the store's customers as a "community".

Don't get me wrong-- I love New Seasons, but the people that shop there are definitely more likely to consider themselves to be beautiful, unique snowflakes. All of them.
Posted by Chunty McHutchence on February 12, 2010 at 1:36 PM · Report
2
"I don’t know what ever happened to her."

She probably died of old age. It happens to a lot of people as they grow older. Sad but true.
Posted by ROM on February 12, 2010 at 2:17 PM · Report
3
Chunty, in my experience, New Seasons is like a single's bar. I can't stand going in there because I feel like everyone is staring at everyone else.

It's a very Portland sort of place. Reusable OPB tote bags aplenty.
Posted by Blabby on February 12, 2010 at 2:43 PM · Report
4
Or those stupid, obnoxious shopping carts with a big plastic car in the front steered by a completely oblivious parent who expects everyone else to move out of their way. Maybe its a good thing for you to train your kid to sit tight for awhile in a regular cart and to begin to place some behavioral expectations upon her/him while you grocery shop. Or at least go in the off hours, definately no weekday rush hours. Not every place has to be an extension of an amusement park.
Posted by gloworm on February 12, 2010 at 3:05 PM · Report
5
Blabby, I've heard people say they go there to flirt or whatever. So I think you're right.

I have to admit that I find the shoppers at New Seasons more attractive than just about any other grocery store, but alas, I'm not on the market (no puns intended). Similarly, it would be easier to be a leering creep in Target than Wal-Mart...
Posted by Chunty McHutchence on February 12, 2010 at 3:52 PM · Report
6
So many places to leer, so little time. At Target, you're usually going to get some good MILFs. Freddies can be alright in that department as well.

Er... or so my unmarried friends tell me.
Posted by Blabby on February 12, 2010 at 4:11 PM · Report
7
Market of choice gets a few choice Lake Oswego hotties every once in a while.
Posted by Jebus on February 12, 2010 at 5:27 PM · Report
8
You pick people up at Walmart and their idea of a hot date is having one of the burgers from a 2 for a $1 cheeseburger place. At New Seasons you'll actually get someone who would know a nice restaurant if it hit them on the head, or even better, (and way too rare these days,) they might know how to cook.
Posted by Matthew D on February 12, 2010 at 6:27 PM · Report
9
Not to be a dick (which means I'm about to be a dick) but the writing of that little anecdote explains why they were working at New Seasons in the first place.

I shop at the Safeway near PSU, which has equal amounts hot college girls and crazy homeless people. Both can be beneficial to your shopping experience; I have in the past traded money for food stamps at a 3:1 ratio. Good deal.
Posted by Andy Mesa on February 13, 2010 at 8:05 AM · Report
10
There are ex-New Seasons people? Who knew.
Posted by infoart on February 13, 2010 at 10:41 AM · Report
11
If that is the best "gossip" to come out of there, then ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by Demondog on February 15, 2010 at 9:45 AM · Report
12
There was this one guy who, like, always ordered wasabi mayo on his deli sandwiches, and we were all "what's up with that?" but then we didn't see the guy anymore so it's a mystery.
Posted by Chunty McHutchence on February 15, 2010 at 11:05 AM · Report
13
I have better New Seasons stories then this and I just shop there alot.

I will say this; if you are looking for a date go to Whole Foods if you are looking for good quality food go to New Seasons. I myself prefer a dude not using an Oregon Trail Card but thats just me.
Posted by Granny on February 15, 2010 at 11:42 AM · Report
14
One time I had some a leftover balance on a New Seasons gift card, and I went there and bought a filet of sustainable halibut, and the price ($11.47) was EXACTLY THE SAME as the outstanding amount on my gift card.

Thus endeth the most INCREDIBLE New Seasons story you'll ever hear.
Posted by The Guilty Carnivore on February 15, 2010 at 1:01 PM · Report
15
my boycott new seasons youtube promos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=playe… /
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pxmZluhQV0 /
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=playe…

filmed live @ pioneer square, july 31, 2011

@ video 1: you get about 30 seconds for improvising the whole thing - and there are directions involved - it's hard to talk so fast - and even harder to listen to me talking so fast. this is what i think i said (o:

new seasons market - markets themselves as "the friendliest store in town" - new seasons market is not friendly! new seasons censors art; they refuse to boycott/divest/sanction israeli apartheid (free palestine!); new seasons owns a factory farm where unhappy cows are drowning in their own excrement*, new seasons had me falsely arrested while violating my free speech rights; i say boycott new seasons! resist! (o: [* shit]

anarchy and peace! kristin
Posted by kristinangelique on August 1, 2011 at 12:24 PM · Report

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