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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tech My Googlism Kicks Your Googlism's Ass

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Feb 23, 2010 at 3:35 PM

How does Google see you? Find out by going to Googlism, type in your name, and the site will cross-reference your name on Google and produce a sentence that pretty much sums you up. For example, when you type in my name, here is the result:

humpgoog.png

Ha! Ha! AWESOME! And oh, so true. For comparative purposes here's what you get when you type in Erik Henriksen...

erikgoog.png

No argument there. Let's try "Portland Mercury."

mercgoog.png

Damn! This thing is right on the money so far! How about "Willamette Week"?

wwgoog.png

Though I'm not sure what "the clear" means, let's just call that four-for-four correct summations. To be fair, one of WW's Googlisms was also "willamette week is a top quality newspaper known for investigative journalism based in portland." To be extra extra fair, another was "willamette week is shit." But hey, that's Googlism's opinion, not necessarily mine. However, as mentioned earlier, "four-for-four."

SO WHAT'S YOUR GOOGLISM? It's not as awesome as mine, is it? (Show yours off in the comments below!)

 

Comments (29) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Mine just says my job title, and the department I work for. I thought I was cooler :(
Posted by ROM on February 23, 2010 at 3:41 PM · Report
2
Graham is one of the few harp players who can "burn it up" like norman edmonds and earl johnson or evoke the lonesome desolation of dock boggs' banjo playing.

FUCK YEAH!
Posted by Graham on February 23, 2010 at 3:43 PM · Report
3
ned lannamann is on your side
ned lannamann is your host
ned lannamann is off spear
Posted by Ned on February 23, 2010 at 3:44 PM · Report
4
sonia ruiz is in charge of silverware
sonia ruiz is hereby ordered to pay a fine of p200
sonia ruiz is a wanderer and nomadic soul of this earth
Posted by Sonia Ruiz on February 23, 2010 at 3:48 PM · Report
5
The Clear is a nickname for a certain type of steroid.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetrahydroges…
Posted by pcrackenhead on February 23, 2010 at 3:51 PM · Report
6
"is here; he lives here": This is so.
"is not healthy": Yeah... yeah.
" is big and athletic": I would say this is less than true.
" is adamant when it comes to tight end walter rasby": This is sadly not the case.
Posted by atomic on February 23, 2010 at 3:56 PM · Report
7
kiala is either devoid of emotion or overcome by it

kiala is a man living at one of the last stations on earth

kiala is to be sent to the west indies to die under hard labor


(I am like the best sci fi character in HISTORY)

Posted by kiala on February 23, 2010 at 3:56 PM · Report
8
I had a couple but then started to look for gems elsewhere. Still haven't been able to top:

"barack obama is tired of your motherfucking shit"

Posted by humanclock on February 23, 2010 at 4:02 PM · Report
9
Like ROM, mine justs list my job title. Sigh-permanent resident of Dullsville-that's what it should say!
Posted by pork chop on February 23, 2010 at 4:02 PM · Report
10
sarah mirk is a journalist who happens to post on a blog now and again
sarah mirk is a joke
sarah mirk is moving westward ho to portland

YES.
Posted by s.mirk on February 23, 2010 at 4:05 PM · Report
11
muggins is cuddleing a toy cow
muggins is not a scab
muggins is a pug who is sweet
Posted by Nick "muggins" Olmstead on February 23, 2010 at 4:10 PM · Report
12
david bow is an authorised representative of lend lease advisor services limited
david bow is attached to a 3 1/4" french barrette
david bow is shown at his home in athens on aug
Posted by Dave Bow on February 23, 2010 at 4:17 PM · Report
13
Sob! Googlism doesn't know me, but it has about a jillion things on matt davis.
Posted by ujfoyt on February 23, 2010 at 4:23 PM · Report
14
My real name didn't get any results, but Reymont got:

Reymont is a master of the written word.
Reymont is brilliant.
Reymont is right.
Reymont is also going at it with Erlang.

Why hello, Erlang!
I think Kiala wins.
Posted by Reymont on February 23, 2010 at 4:26 PM · Report
15
I am NOT A PLAGIARIST. THE INTERNET EXONERATED ME.

Grumble.

On the plus side, "Queequeg is cute." That's my cat! And yes he is.
Posted by Alison Hallett on February 23, 2010 at 4:34 PM · Report
16
@ Alison
Ben Waterhouse is a [COMMENT EDITED: UNNECESSARILY ABUSIVE LANGUAGE].

Not a Googlism, just my opinion.
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on February 23, 2010 at 4:39 PM · Report
17
There's a ton when you type "Portland" in the Where search, but this is my favorite:

portland is waxed like varnish to the floor

Posted by pork chop on February 23, 2010 at 4:39 PM · Report
18
...is not yet on the internet.
Posted by krazyklown on February 23, 2010 at 4:39 PM · Report
19
I am:

haunted by the dialectics of presence and absence

preparing to celebrate the sixth annual "stay home with your kids day" on monday august 19

a versatile and practical new weapon for your close up arsenal
Posted by krazyklown on February 23, 2010 at 4:43 PM · Report
20
...is not just another young talent.
Posted by Joneser on February 23, 2010 at 4:45 PM · Report
21
miranda king is credited alongside another name

Wow. Superspecial.
Posted by Miranda on February 23, 2010 at 4:47 PM · Report
22
vanessa renwick is generally showing most everwhere

vanessa renwick is as wild and untamed as the northwestern wolf packs that are her latest obsession

vanessa renwick is a cinematic rabble
Posted by v.renwick on February 23, 2010 at 4:49 PM · Report
23
If you Google my actual name, you find absolutely nothing. But if you Google "Rich Bachelor":

rich bachelor is a sex machine · skookumchuck notebook · some advice for your sorry ass
rich bachelor is mayor adams
rich bachelor is stodgy and stuffy until love finds him
rich bachelor is a sex machine · skookumchuck notebook · some advice for your
rich bachelor is sure to fall for them
rich bachelor is looking for a social escort
rich bachelor is tracking down a priceless family heirloom missing since 1702
rich bachelor is tracking down a priceless famil
rich bachelor is sure of obsequious service from innumerable quarters
rich bachelor is tracking down a priceless famil
rich bachelor is engaged 87

The "sex machine" one is a link to my girlfriend's blog.
The one claiming I am Sam Adams is courtesy of Janelle Jeffries.
Posted by rich bachelor on February 23, 2010 at 4:50 PM · Report
24
The only one on my real name "is a winning player with a history of home runs"

My real name.com is owned by this huge internet spammer who thinks he is some sort of dog among men, (seriously, he has an ego bigger Wm(tm) here.) And so I'm not exactly surprised that they picked up on that.
Posted by Matthew D on February 23, 2010 at 7:55 PM · Report
25
"inductee is from a formley unknnown indie pop band called ok go"

"inductee is a rhodes scholar and wrote 'help me make it through the night'"

"inductee is deceased"

"inductee is pictured with his wife shirley"

"inductee is mentally and physically strong enough to be worthy of membership"

All true.
Posted by Inductee on February 23, 2010 at 9:16 PM · Report
26
extramsg is using twitter
extramsg is doing on the portland blog leaderboard
extramsg is a buddy of
extramsg is offline · extramsg
extramsg is nick zukin
extramsg is dipping tortilla chips in gruyere and parmesan
extramsg is not a resident of the chicagoland
extramsg is your uncle? ;
extramsg is right
extramsg is here
extramsg is calling food dude hypocritical for challenging karen brooks' ethics for not
Posted by extramsg on February 24, 2010 at 1:53 AM · Report
27
Well, I tried it again and left out my middle initial and it says that I AM THE MAN. So there.
Posted by ujfoyt on February 24, 2010 at 6:43 AM · Report
28
DemonJuice is on Twitter [True]
DemonJuice is following [Following what? I must know!]
DemonJuice is offline [Cry]
Posted by DemonJuice on February 24, 2010 at 8:20 AM · Report
29
tommy brooks is a young man whom god has equipped with a sound that will help reach young people and will draw them to christ

Since I'm not a singer, nor particularly evangelistic, I wonder if it's just the mere sound of my voice that Google has deemed so powerful. I'm going to assume it is, and, you're welcome.
Posted by Tommy Brooks on February 24, 2010 at 9:48 AM · Report

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