This Week in the Mercury

Murdering the Classics

Music

Murdering the Classics

ARCO-PDX Brings Chamber Music to the Rock Club


Stop Trying to Relate to Me

Film

Stop Trying to Relate to Me

Zach Braff Is an Emotional Terrorist Who Must Be Stopped



Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 24, 2010 at 9:19 AM

Toyota president Akio Toyoda says he will accept full responsibility for the car company's woes, and... wait a minute... Toyota = Toyoda. I JUST GOT THAT!

Former veep Dick Cheney is released from the hospital after suffering yet another mild heart attack. (I guess somebody put up the "No Vacancy" sign in hell.)

According to a poll, two-thirds of Americans believe REPUBLICANS are to blame for the get-nothing-done partisanship in Washington. It's... it's just so rare when America gets it right... I'm flabbergasted.

Companies who hire the unemployed will now get tax breaks, thanks to a new bill passed today by the Senate. (Five bucks says the Mercury fires, and then immediately rehires me.)

Three Google execs were convicted today of invasion of privacy in Italy… because there's a cyber bullying video on the internet? WOO-HOO! WE'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING WE PUT ON THE INTERNET ANYMORE, GUYS!!

Bad ass math teacher takes down a school shooter! Give this man tenure!

Charlie Sheen goes to rehab, which is putting his sitcom Two and a Half Men on indefinite hiatus. (Thank you god... thank you.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showers today and Friday, but sun peekage on Thursday and the weekend!

And finally, Dolph Lundgren sings Elvis, plays drums, AND smashes blocks of ice?? And yet he couldn't kick Rocky's ass. Sad.


Comments (4)

Showing 1-4 of 4

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-4 of 4

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy