DAVID PATERSON: OVER!!! New York governor had his rep ask a woman to deny violence in a situation involving one of his aides. The New York Times has the scoop this morning.

MAN CAUGHT WALKING DOG WHILE DRIVING HIS CAR!!! In Britain, this is considered shocking. Ruff justice!

GRUESOME DETAILS OF KILLER WHALE ATTACK!!! Oh happy day.

APPLE ONLY WANTS 16+ YEAR OLDS WORKING ITS DODGY SWEATSHOPS!!! I feel dirty, just typing that.

OBAMA'S CHOLESTEROL!!! I actually found this report on the President's health interesting, which speaks to my hypochondriac schadenfreude more than its news value.

HOT GIRLS DON'T GET NEXTED!!! Your daily Chatroulette story!

SENATOR MCTOOL!!! Is still a total tool.

SPITZER'S MADAM RUNS FOR GOVERNOR!!! Ah, New York.

COURTNEY LOVE IS DOING GREAT!!! Except she isn't.

VOTE FOR GAGA'S WORST OUTFIT!!! Personally I rather like the lobster.

Good day.