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Friday, March 12, 2010

Geek / Poll You Pick the Star Trek: TNG Column!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 4:32 PM

As regular readers of the Mercury know, we've been trying since 2000 to find a great new columnist to share the space currently held by Ann Romano's One Day at a Time. And while these "New Columns!" may have excellent pedigrees—such as "One Hulk's Opinion," "Frank Cassano's Imbecile Parade," "I Slipped the Banana to Hannah Montana by Carlos Santana," and many more—none have had the staying power that's necessary for a weekly column.

In order to break this vicious cycle of mediocrity, we recently reached out to the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation in hopes of finding the world's next great columnist. Unfortunately all we ended up with was the wildly uninteresting "Worf on Wharfs" and the sexually grotesque "Porkin' in the Columbia River Gorge with Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge." Despite these utter failures, the mere publication of these two columns made the rest of the Next Generation cast so green with envy, nearly all of them wanted columns of their own!

In fact, they've given us so many column ideas, we don't know which to choose for next week. THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN! Using the handy poll below, choose the column you'd most like to see in next week's Mercury, and we'll commission the winner to write it. HERE ARE YOUR CHOICES.

WHICH NEXT GEN COLUMN WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN NEXT WEEK'S PAPER?

Write in votes are welcome! Provide them in the comments below, and we'll contact the cast member (except for Guinan—we hate Guinan)!

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Comments (16) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Interpreting A Scanner Darkly by Lieutenant Reginald Barclay?

You're just the cutest! by Locutus?
Posted by sgtgrumbles on March 12, 2010 at 4:41 PM · Report
2
Quiet, I hear an usher, by ensign Wesley Crusher
Posted by Infovorous on March 12, 2010 at 4:55 PM · Report
3
Marina Sirtis is HOT!!!
Posted by ujfoyt on March 12, 2010 at 5:27 PM · Report
4
bring back soiled mattress down by the river!!!
Posted by laura on March 12, 2010 at 6:33 PM · Report
5
As someone whose mom had a huge crush on Captain Picard, I really think the captain needs to win so I can send her the column.
Posted by no clever name on March 12, 2010 at 7:04 PM · Report
6
Bonin' with Riker: Weekly Insights on Jazz
Posted by Will Radik on March 12, 2010 at 8:29 PM · Report
7
Noises I Make Doing These Specific Yoga Poses by Deanna Troy
Posted by kiala on March 12, 2010 at 9:00 PM · Report
8
Suck In Your Gut and Pull Down Your Shirt: Exercise Advice from Commander William T Riker
Posted by kiala on March 12, 2010 at 9:02 PM · Report
9
Captain's Log: Jean Luc Picard's Guide to Gastrointestinal Health
Posted by kiala on March 12, 2010 at 9:03 PM · Report
10
Holodecketiquette
Posted by kiala on March 12, 2010 at 9:04 PM · Report
11
Of course, you don't have to take *my* word for it! By Lt Commander Geordi La Forge
Posted by Blanders on March 12, 2010 at 10:56 PM · Report
12
Learn to Dance the Merengue with The Ferengi
Posted by TSW on March 13, 2010 at 6:50 AM · Report
13
or

Butt Play by The Ferengi: A Sex Manual
Posted by TSW on March 13, 2010 at 2:04 PM · Report
14
Kiala Captain's Log FTW
Posted by pork chop on March 13, 2010 at 9:59 PM · Report
15
YES. Captain's Log takes it.
Posted by TSW on March 14, 2010 at 9:07 AM · Report
16
"Why I helped elect Obama in," by Troi in the episode where she was a Romulan.
Posted by dmitrir on March 14, 2010 at 4:26 PM · Report

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