You’ve got to be kidding me. Why is there an entire page, no, an entire food section in this week’s paper devoted to Tony Stamolis's new book, T&T&A (Tacos & Tits & Ass)? Alison Hallett spends hours of her life that she'll never have back interviewing the "author" of this pan-fried porn-art book. I hope that local restaurant owners who’ve been looking for a little more press coverage and failed to find it will rage on this issue.

What is T&T&A? It’s a 180-page book of pictures of naked women and tacos. It costs $45. Even Penthouse has articles, but not T&T&A. There are no words.

[THESE BARELY—BARELY—NSFW-ish PHOTOS ARE NOW POSTED AFTER THE JUMP. CRYBABIES.—ED.]

When I first heard about the book I thought, like many others did, that the women would be holding the tacos in cleverly strategic places, or eating the tacos with carefree abandon, or perhaps even swimming in kiddie pools of shredded lettuce and mole sauce. For some reason, the images in my head usually involved seesaws or other playground equipment. It sounded pretty funny, whether or not it would be sexy.

THIS IS NOT THAT. The women and the tacos lie side-by-side, one image to each page, with a few exceptions for topless or full-frontal centerfolds of women or tacos. (Let me pause here to say that I realize that what I'm writing here is more likely to make people buy this book than the other way around. And yet, I continue.)

You see, just like boobs, tacos are circles when you lie them flat. And many taco toppings are circular, like nipples. And well, here’s the really brilliant part, when you fold a taco it looks like a vagina! Kinda!

(More Tacos & Tits & Anger after the jump)

That’s the extent of the wit on display. Sometimes a woman’s collarbone has a sharp edge like a hard-shell tortilla. Her skin may be tan like toasted corn flour, and the green of a lime can bring out the green in her eyes. Ok, got it. I just don’t think it’s all that artful or clever, or that Tony Stamolis is the “Georgia O’ Keefe of Mexican food,” as Sarah Mirk put it. (Besides, his designer did most of the pairings—he just snapped the nudes).

What’s worse, sometimes it seems like the models are being mocked. I know that’s not Stamolis’ intention. He doesn’t really have an intention, other than to showcase together two things he really loves, both central elements of his Fresno scene. (And I quote, “It was a term that I’ve used for a while, just joking with friends about tacos and titties…I just sort of rode that out and—pardon the phrase—pulled the book out of my ass.”) But just like Stamolis doesn’t worry himself that people could take him out of context, I don’t care that he means well. To me, and to lots of the people who will see this book, the women come off poorly. When you put someone who’s really trying to be sexy next to a taco that’s thrown together and effortlessly appealing, the person trying to look hot looks dumb.

And another thing! Tacos are delicious and cheap. (In fact, this book makes me want one—food porn, it certainly is.) Tacos are things to consume that can be had anywhere, at any time. Putting them next to women, especially when the pictures echo each other visually, can’t avoid the message that women are like that too—you crave and then consume them, and they’re always cheap and hot and waiting for you. To pretend otherwise is just willful ignorance. It would work with almost anything. Put women next to flowers and you accentuate their soft, natural beauty. Put them next to similarly styled cars and they’re expensive things you show off. Put them next to hourglasses and they seem empty…You get the point.

I don’t hate pornography, but bad porn rubs me the wrong way (no pun intended). Normally, I would just put it down and forget about it—fine, not for me. But when people started gravitating to this book, saying how funny and clever it is, I started to feel crazy; and that made me feel angry. So, thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now.

T&T&A, I find you tasteless. Although I do enjoy thinking of possible follow-up books (Meatballs Subs & Dicks & Balls? Pizza & Vaginas & Pointy Boobs?), I hope that they never come to be.