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Friday, April 2, 2010

Local Tree Kills Self in Effort to Escape Ezra's Yard

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Apr 2, 2010 at 3:28 PM

According to Ezra, he arrived at his house only minutes ago to discover this horrifying sight:

ezratree.jpg

While he was quick to blame BLUSTERSTORM 2010™ for the tree falling and bouncing off his neighbor's car, I think he's missing a more simple, and obvious solution.
THE TREE KILLED ITSELF TRYING TO ESCAPE EZRA'S YARD.
Obviously, the poor tree could only stand listening to so many Morrissey and Vampire Weekend records—while enduring incessant jibes from neighboring trees—before flinging itself on the flimsy fence constructed with Ezra's own frail emo hands.
Such a senseless, senseless death. One can only hope that, in the future, Ezra will spend as much time listening to the trees as he will the latest release from Fall Out Boy.*

*Confidential to Ezra: This post does not grant you the right to make fun of my Justin Bieber obsession.

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