This Week in the Mercury
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Cats / Drunk / Crime “Henriksen, Davis, Horton, Implicated in 'Kitten Hazing' Ring”
Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Tue, Apr 6, 2010 at 2:33 PM
That's what the headline would read if I had any proof to back up what most of us already know in our hearts: That my fellow 2010 Barfly Award Nominees for Most Good Writer are kitten hazers.
Just one look in their eyes and it becomes clear that while, yes, they may know how to write well... They also (probably) HAZE KITTENS. I can see the disgusting spectacle right now: kittens forced to binge drink, getting paddled, made to run a gauntlet of marijuana crazed chihuahuas. Deplorable! I believe it's only a matter of time before the cats start coming forward to speak of the terrors they've endured at the hands of these (admittedly pretty good) writers. It might sound something like this:
I didn't want to go negative. But friends, we cannot allow kitten hazing in this world. That's why you should vote for a man who cares for kittens. That's why you should vote PAC for Most Good Writer 2010.
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