You read that correctly! John Oates, the mustachioed half of musical duo Hall and Oates, is celebrating a birthday today—AND IS 61 YEARS OLD. Now come on! That can't be right! And yet, according to his Wikipedia page, it's 100% accurate! And wait… what's this? His partner Darryl Hall is 63?!? NO... EFFING... WAY!! Did that Ambien I took last night put me in a coma for 20 years?
Frankly, I'm flabbergasted. Jesus. Next you're going to be telling me that Ric Ocasek, Sigourney Weaver, and Rick Springfield are either 61 or pushing it, and… ohhhhhh, no. NOOOOOOOOOO!!! GODDAMN YOU, 61 YEARS OLD!! GODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!
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