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Thursday, April 8, 2010

Surprising No One, New Pokémon Games Announced

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Thu, Apr 8, 2010 at 11:00 PM

At this point the abortion would have been cheaper
  • Nintendo
  • At this point the abortion would have been cheaper

Less than half a month since Nintendo launched Pokémon Heart Gold and Soul Silver, the House of Mario has announced the next addition to its endless string of monster catch titles designed to prize every last dollar from the pockets of harried parents the world over.

Pokémon Black and Pokémon White will see their Japanese debut this Fall with a North American release following just as soon as the games can be localized into our gaijin language. Not much is yet known about the new sister titles though Nintendo claims that "every aspect [of the series] will be reborn innovatively" for what will be the Pokémon line's fifth generation of core games.

Much to the chagrin of every woman who has ever let me put my penis inside of her, I fully admit my addiction to the 12-year-old series, but even I am a bit miffed at Nintendo's release schedule. If they fully expect me to capture 500+ elusive, fictional creatures every time a new Pokemon game is released, I'm going to need a more time, dammit!

I only managed to nab 327 'mon since the March 2009 release of Pokémon Platinum, and that was over the course of a why-the-fuck-am-I-admitting-this-publicly 265 hours of play time. I've only dropped 8 hours into Pokemon Soul Silver so far, but I really doubt that, barring a wicked speed addition, I'm going to be able to write any sort of comprehensive treatise on the zoological variety of the Johto region by the time my borderline obsessive compulsive inner child forces me to drop $40 on the upcoming noir sequel.

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