This Week in the Mercury

Born Again

Music

Born Again

Twenty Years of Old Time Relijun


Avengers Disassembled

Film

Avengers Disassembled

The Hits and Quips of Avengers: Age of Ultron



Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Tue, Apr 13, 2010 at 1:46 PM

Uh-oh, somebody's going to go to hell. Hat tip to Joel for making me aware of the disturbing existence of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, a service that promises to take care of your pets when the Rapture comes and Jesus hoovers up all the Good Christian Believers, leaving behind all the atheists, pets included. For $110, EEBP "will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends. Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals. [Please note: we can now offer rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in NH,VT, ID and MT]"

I thought this was a joke. The first item on the FAQ is:

Q: Is this a Joke?
A: No. This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.

It gets weirder.

Q: When the Rapture occurs, how long before my pet is rescued?
A: The timing is contingent on the number of subscribers we have in each state/region and travel distance. Our rescuers know that this is a time sensitive service. Pets' lives are at stake. We will limit the number of subscribers in each zone so that any given rescuer will not be over burdened. Naturally, we must anticipate that there will be widespread chaos and confusion immediately following the Rapture that could impact travel times. Thus, we are targeting a maximum of between 18- 24 hours from realization of the Rapture, to animal rescue.

Don't forget to visit the store! Or the writeup in Business Week, quoting founder Bart Centre's admission that, "I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income." It's kind of funny, and what the hell. He really apparently has people willing to take in animals should it turn out that fundamentalist Christians were right all along. Hey, it could happen!

Comments (4)

Showing 1-4 of 4

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-4 of 4

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy