Yesterday was the national roll-out of KFC's Double Down—a comestible we discussed several times on Blogtown last week. While I would have rather ignored yesterday's roll-out and focused on my hangover, I'd already put my stomach on the line by asking you, Blogtownies, to look into your hearts and decided if I should eat this “sandwich.” Surprising no-one (except for Erik Henriksen and Ezra Caraeff who felt no less than 100% of you voting “eat it” meant foul play), 70% of this blogs readers decided they wanted me to chew through two chicken breasts, two slices of bacon, jack cheese, and Colonel's sauce. Alright then.

My Reaction and Video Evidence After the Jump

Yesterday morning, before I'd left to purchase the gut bomb, I received an e-mail from the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) who have written an open letter to David C. Novak, chairman of YUM! Brands, Inc. (KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell), asking that he not market the Double Down to children.

Clearly concerned for my health (which is more than I can say for 70% of you), the PCRM decided to let me know what would happen if I ate a double down:

Within two hours of eating a high-fat, meat-heavy lunch, your triglycerides will have increased by 60 percent and your blood flow would have decreased by half. Four hours later your blood would have gotten thicker, flowing slower than it was two hours ago. Five hours later your triglyceride levels would have increased 150 percent.

Huh.

With this information spinning in my head, I hit the closest KFC and ordered my Double Down from the drive-thru as any soon to be high-triglyceride-blooded American ought to do. It cost $4.99.

Back at home, I took video of the Double Down consumption for proof. For those of you who are squeamish, or suffer from short attention spans, skip to my impressions below the video.

The Double Down sucks. I don't just say that because I'm trying to be some pretentious foodie. It's just not good. In fact, it's dense and greasy and pretty much all salt. You can pick up slight chipotle-esque spice from the Colonel's Sauce. You can pick up the barest hint of bacon. But the salt overwhelms everything. And the chicken is just so incredibly dry and heavy. The meat is closer in density to an overcooked steak than to actual chicken. Completely bizarre.

In terms of confrontational foods meant to get your testosterone up, I'll take a Pile Up from Foster Burger or a Reggie Deluxe from Pine State over the Double Down any day. They are equally bad for you, but at least they're delicious. The trick is to eat them only twice a year. Is that an elitist attitude? Probably. Do I care? No.

Ugh. I need a salad.