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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Savage Love Letter o' the Day: Undermining the Sacred Sanctity of Opposite Marriage

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 14, 2010 at 9:48 AM

So... I have an "is this or is this not cheating" question. My ex-wife is willing to let me watch her fucking her current lover(s). I would be hidden and only she would know I was there and watching. There would be no sexual contact between my ex and I at all. This would fulfill BOTH of our fantasies (her's of being watched, mine of watching her with someone else). Would this constitute cheating on my current wife? Can I do it anyway? PLEASE?

Cuious Of Coital Knowldge

My response after the jump...

Would you consider it cheating if your current wife went and watched her ex-husband get it on with his current lover(s) without telling you about it? Obviously you would, COCK, which is why you end by asking for my permission to do this anyway. So this isn't an is-this-or-is-it-not-cheating question, but rather a this-is-cheating-but-can-I-do-it-anyway question. And of course you can do it, COCK, the issue is whether or not you should. And I think you should...

...'nt.

I think you shouldn't. Should not. Shouldn't. Not.

It's more than a little disingenuous to claim that there would be "no sexual contact" between you and your ex during this encounter. While there might not be any sex-organ-to-sex-organ contact—or none planned in advance—you and your ex would definitely be making or reestablishing an intense sexual connection, sharing an intense sexual experience, one that could, all by itself, undermine or destabilize your marriage. And if your wife should find out, COCK, that could be fatal for your marriage.

So... um... COCK?

Realistically: what are the odds that your current wife will find out? Sit down and have a couple of wanks, one right after the other, really drain those balls, and then, when you're capable of thinking rationally about this for two minutes, make as clearheaded an assessment as you can of those odds. If they're slim-to-nonexistant, COCK, and if this fantasy is hugely important to you and if this kind of sex play is something your wife would never, ever consent to and if the prospect of never, ever realizing this fantasy fills you with such despair that you're likely to seethe with resentment for five or six years before you begin to subconsciously sabotage your marriage and you can truly pull this off without making any physical, sex-orgain-to-sex-organ/sex-organ-to-oral-cavity contact with your ex and if you're also sure that the men you're spying on wouldn't mind too much or react too homicidally if you're discovered (here's hoping the ex told her lover(s) and is only letting you think they don't know) and if you've checked the local and state laws where you live and you're not going to wind up on a sex-offender registry if this all blows up in your face... well... then you might be able to justify this to the satisfaction of the odd utilitarian or the louche sex-advice columnist.

It would still be wrong, you still shouldn't, but you could justify it.

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