This Week in the Mercury

The Long, Hot Summer

Feature

The Long, Hot Summer

After a Very Dry Winter, are Hotter Temperatures and a Drought in Portland's Near Future?


Not Long Now

News

Not Long Now

What You Can (Probably) Expect in Portland's Uber-Friendly Future



Monday, April 19, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Apr 19, 2010 at 9:23 AM

Following two years of abject poverty, Citigroup reports they have a profit of $4.4 billion. You know, when I make a $4.4 billion profit, then I'll celebrate.

Meanwhile, Goldman Sachs is in BIIIIIIIIG trouble with the SEC.

A top al-Qaeda leader is killed by Iraqi intelligence officers.

Meanwhile, Osama bin Laden's Facebook page has been shut down. Man! Those Iraqi intelligence officers are thorough!

Travelers are still stuck in Europe thanks to the volcanic eruption underneath southern Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull glacier (say it five times... or once... fast).

Toyota has agreed to pay a whopping $16.4 million fine for attempting to cover up their sticky pedal problem.

Happy birthday, Oklahoma City Bombing! (Errr… yeah. Sorry.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Possible showers this afternoon into tomorrow morning, followed by a mostly sunny week in the lower 60s.

Remember the A-MA-ZING Insane Clown Posse video "Miracles"? SNL took their own swipe at it this weekend with the Thrilla Killa Klownz' "Magical Mysteries." It's all anti-scientific and shit, ninjas!

Comments (4)

Showing 1-4 of 4

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-4 of 4

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy